What should I do if I feel my dignity is violated?

 Everyone has dignity and worth, but most people have no idea what that means. They only know that sometimes they don't feel respected. So, what should people do if they feel their dignity has been violated? 

First, let's talk about the concept of dignity and worth.  

Every human has dignity and worth. Everyone you meet has dignity and worth. YOU have dignity and worth.  Let that sink in. Think about what that statement means to you.

Dignity is a state of being. We all have dignity whether we choose to act with dignity or not. Lots of people do not act with dignity. You should choose to act with dignity. 

What this means is, everyone is unique. Everyone has value and is important. Everyone. "Dignity is the belief that our basic humanity is shared with every other person on this planet." (see: https://globaldignity.org/our-story/) 

Everyone you meet has worth. Just by existing, they matter.   You know you matter. At least I hope you do. "A life of dignity means you are as valuable and important, worthy and wanted, as any other human being. It means, fundamentally, that you matter."  The same is true of everyone.

The problem is, not everyone acts as if everyone matters. Some people do not act with dignity towards others. They demean and dehumanize people to justify their own bad behavior.  When this happens, we feel it in our souls. We feel as if our dignity has been violated.

What you need to know is that NO ONE can take away your dignity. You have dignity if you act with dignity.   So what should you do if you feel someone has violated your dignity?

First, remember that they have not taken away your dignity. You are in control of your own dignity. 

Second, decide whether or not you need to respond. Often, you don't. The problem isn't you, it is the other person who is behaving in an undignified way. They aren't recognizing their fellow humans as people with dignity. That is on them. It has nothing to do with you, even if it was directed at you.  If they haven't really harmed you because they haven't taken away your dignity, often the best course is to just feel sorry for them and continue on being the awesome dignified person you are.

If, they are doing something to harm you or others, then action may be required. In this case, decide what a good realistic outcome would be. You may not be able to change them, but what can you do to stop them from doing real harm to others? Focus on that and choose to act in a way that amplifies love and compassion and truth and justice. And in so doing, you will not only help yourself, you will be helping to transform the world.

What should I do if I feel my dignity is violated

 Whenever I do a presentation on how to stop bullies and I introduce the concept of dignity - I get asked - what should I do if I feel my dignity has been violated. This comes up a lot in my programs on civility and how to use dignity to create civility. 

The first thing to understand about dignity is - that no one can take away your dignity.  You may have your feeling hurts - and that is valid. But you - and you alone - are in charge of your dignity. 

Second. Acknowledge your feelings. You feel hurt. That's ok. 

Third - acknowledge to yourself - your dignity AND the dignity of the other person. Even if they don't acknowledge your dignity - doesn't mean you shouldn't acknowledge theirs. 

Fourth - Understand that the other person probably feels their dignity has been violated and they are trying to protect themselves.

Fifth - Focus on healing the hurt that both you and the other person feel. It is not necessary to win a - my hurt is worse than your hurt competition. Just - focus on healing both yourself and them. And work on building trust.

This - usually is enough to reset relationships and start building the trust that is required for positive relationships to happen. You - stop being a threat - the other person stops treating you as a threat.  Eventually - you can collaborate on solutions that work for both of you.

Every once in a while  - you will encounter someone this doesn't work with - but don't assume this won't work until you try it. 

If you want to learn more - take my course on a humanistic approach to civility and using dignity as a tool to create civility. https://humanistlearning.com/a-humanistic-approach-to-civility/