Don't Change Just to Change

 One of my pet peeves is the self help movement. Someone is always selling something and while I admire people who want to change for the better - too much change is just too much.

What are we supposed to do now?

I live in a state where our state leadership is giving everyone whiplash. Every couple of years, they change how schools test. The result is - we have no idea if our schools are improving - or not. Why? Because we keep changing what we are testing and how we are testing. The only people who benefit from this are the companies that win the latest testing contract. 

A change in mandated testing in a state, takes a long time to implement. A change in the standards in what it being tested for in a state takes a long time to implement. The result is teachers are constantly having to redo everything. Students aren't getting consistent instruction and everyone is always in a state of - what are we supposed to do now? 

Flashy Business Bandwagons 

The same thing happens in businesses. It's admirable that leaders want to lead well. But if a leader jumps on a new bandwagon every few months and encourages their employees to jump on the same new flashy bandwagon every few months, nothing actually improves.

In fact, employees start to get whiplash and confused.  Are they supposed to be decluttering? Are they supposed to be maximizing influence?  Are they supposed to be manifesting something?  Who knows? All they know is every month or so their leader demands something new of them that is completely unrelated to the actual work they need to be doing. 

Most of these initiatives just make things more difficult. And forget about trying to advance if you don't know what the latest buzzwords for your bosses latest leadership obsession is.

Please Stop Doing This

Leadership isn't actually all that difficult. Just - help your employees. What do your employees need to get their job done better and more efficiently?  If you don't know - ask them. 

The job of a leader is to help a team accomplish their collective objectives. That's it.  Help set the direction and help your team get there.  It's like sailing a boat.  The captain is responsible for setting the direction and the crew's job is to set up the ship to actually go where the captain wants it to.

If you keep changing direction every few weeks or months and you keep changing the destination, you will never get anywhere.  You will just be sailing around in circles wondering why your crew is so frustrated with you.

Don't keep jumping on the latest leadership bandwagon. And please please please don't keep insisting your staff join you in your latest folly. 

What actually does help? 

There is a reason flash in the pan leadership trends flash in and out of fashion so quickly.  And reasons why these things aren't helpful to leading teams. 

1) Most leadership trends are just snake oil that someone is selling.  Or they are just repacked existing leadership skills rebranded to seem new.

2) Changing buzzwords and approaches too often means no one particular direction can get established.

If your team is struggling, it's probably because you are struggling. When people struggle, they do tend to grasp for anything they think might help them.  This pattern is a vicious cycle.

So, what will work?  Honestly - just be a good honest person trying to help the team accomplish their objective.  To do that, you need to be clear on what the objective is and you need to know what your team needs to accomplish that objective. It's not that hard. For the majority of organizations, this is enough. 

But what about if major change is needed?

Sometimes real change is needed in an organization. If things really aren't working than a leader may need to actually lead a change effort. Constantly changing the objectives is counter productive to real change from taking root.

My suggestion is - if you have major structural and cultural changes you need to make in your organization - learn what works to make change happen. Stop grasping at straws and the latest fad.  Learn what works according to science.

And what works is - repeated reinforcement of objectives and new cultural norms. That's it. Again - not rocket science.

If you want to learn this - check out my course/book Why is Change so Hard?  Whether you’re looking to improve your personal habits or manage change within your organization, understanding the science behind behavior change can be a game-changer. This course will teach you how to use behavioral science to manage change and achieve lasting transformation.

https://humanistlearning.com/change1/

Whatever it is you don’t like that is going on in your professional or personal life – you can change it.

 Whatever it is you don’t like that is going on in your professional or personal life – you can change it. Things don’t have to be the way they are. We can change things and make the world a better place for everyone to live if we take responsibility to do it and approach our problems using a combination of love, compassion science and reason. 

Part of being a Humanist, is being responsible. No one is coming to save us. It's up to us.

The great Humanist Carl Sagan (yes, he was an active member of the Humanist community) in his show Cosmos was talking about the earth as a little blue dot in th vastness of space.  He said, "In our obscurity - in all this vastness - there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves. It is up to us." 

So, if you don't like whatever is going on in your personal or professional life, change it. Don't wait for someone else to change it. Work on changing it yourself.

Is it hard? Of course. this is why most people don't do it. Is it worth it? Even if you don't succeed? Yes. Even if you don't succeed, attempting to create change is worth it. You never know what will be built upon your failed efforts.  

Plus, I never look at failure as failure or as final. I can always try again, having learned from what didn't work. 

What can help you? Education. Learning what works.  I have several courses on creating change in yourself and others. 

Why is Change so Hard? https://humanistlearning.com/change1/  (HRCI Business Credit & SHRM)

Living Made Simpler: A Humanist Approach to Happiness Course - https://humanistlearning.com/livingmadesimpler1/

Reality Based Decision Making for Effective Strategy Development https://humanistlearning.com/realitybaseddecisionmaking/ (HRCI Business Credit & SHRM)

Who do you want to be?

A better question is: what sort of person do you want to be?

We all have a self image. We see ourselves as a certain sort of person.  Usually, we are the heros of any story or conflict. We are doing good, or what we think is good. Most of us value compassion, honesty and ethical behavior.

But how many of us really live up to our values in the day to day struggle of living? Do you cut corners?  Are you compassionate with the people in front of you at the supermarket?  Do you cheat on your taxes?  How about telling little white lies to get a discount somewhere?

We all take short cuts in our daily lives.  What I want you to consider is why?  And whether you should continue.

Who do you want to be? Really. What is it you value? Then I want you to ask yourself when confronted with ethical dilemmas, what would the ideal you do in this situation?  Once you know the answer to that question, you know what you should do.

There is nothing stopping you from being a better you except you. So don’t take short cuts. Chose to do the right thing.

If you find you are having trouble changing, consider learning more about the science of how behaviors are changed. It really can help: https://humanistlearning.com/change1/

The Hows and Whys of Unlearning

Not a lot of time is spent on unlearning. Most of us are focused on what we want to learn, not what we need to unlearn.

The problem is, if we want to grow and change, we usually need to unlearn old habits first.  The good news is there is a science to that. No really, it’s called behavioral psychology and it’s the study of how we learn and unlearn behaviors. Researchers have been studying this topic of about 70 years now.

The good news is that we do know how to create unlearning, or to put it in simpler language, we know what it takes to break a bad habit.  The bad news is that it isn’t easy to do. Which is why so many people who try to change, fail.  The good news is that if you have failed before, it’s not really your fault. It really has very little to do with willpower and strength. It has to do with how you are conditioned and rewarded (both for the old unwanted behavior and the new behavior).

I teach several courses that integrate the science of how and why unlearning happens into the course content. It’s relevant to how to stop bullying, harassment and retaliation. It’s relevant to change management processes. It’s relevant to helping teams adopt new behaviors despite all their fussing and whining about it (which is predicted to occur).

The simplest way to describe this process is this: if you want to stop a behavior, you have to stop rewarding it. And yes, I realize that that statement is incredibly unhelpful. How exactly you do that is the challenge. And unfortunately, each behavior is different because how it is being rewarded is different.

What you really need to learn is the science. There are 3 types of responses, positive (reward), negative (punishment) and neutral (which is when nothing happens).  Most people think if you want to stop a behavior you need to punish it. But actually that just reinforces it. Negative reinforcement is still – reinforcement. Not rewarding it at all is what actually works AND you have to do that consistently to get the behavior to stop.

If this is knowledge you think would be helpful get my book, take one of my online courses and learn it.

The Bully Vaccine

Why is Change so Hard?

How to End Harassment & Retaliation in the Workplace

How Times Change

And yet, some things always remain the same. Like, how many of us hate change!

Routines are comforting.  We don’t have to think too much about them. We just do them, as if on autopilot and stuff gets done.  Like, laundry, or filing an annual report, or any number of mundane work tasks.

Workplaces are filled with repetitive tasks.  It’s not just manufacturers who stick to their processes. All workplaces do.  Whatever it is that has to get done, from cooking a hamburger to new client intake, to payroll all has a process.

And these processes are really helpful. They can help us get a lot of stuff done very quickly and with minimal error; precisely because – they are done the same way every time.

Processes are only a problem when we need to change them.  And suddenly all heck breaks loose.

No one knows what they are supposed to do anymore. No one knows who is responsible anymore. The new system doesn't seem to work as well as the old one. Why did management think we needed to change when the old way worked so well!  We have all been there and done that. It’s even painful to think about.

And yet, change sometimes is necessary. If a process isn't working, it needs to be changed.  So how do we help our staff change when it is necessary with as little trauma as possible so that their sanity and ours is saved?

The answer has to do with understanding how habits are formed and more importantly, how we unlearn old habits. Every business process is completed through habit.  And old habits are hard to break. Understand that going in and your change management process will go a LOT smoother.  It will still be a bit painful, but you will at least make the transition a little easier.

When we look at companies who do this successfully we see that their training programs are designed to foster new habit formation.  They don’t just tell everyone – hey – do it this new way and hope for the best. They train them on the new way – for about a month - until their employees can do the new process by habit – and THEN they turn them loose on the new systems. This is a pretty common practice at some of the larger restaurant chains whenever they roll out a new food item on their menu.

Companies who employ white collar workers should pay attention and learn from the success of others. If you want a smooth transition to the new way of doing things – learn how habits are formed and put in the time and energy needed to help your employees learn the new habits you want and need them to adopt.

To learn more – consider taking our “Why is Change so Hard?” e-course at Humanist Learning Systems. https://humanistlearning.com/change1/

Helping people manage change

New years is right around the corner. This means people all over the world are making resolutions to change. Most of them are going to fail. I don’t say this to be pessimistic. It is just that realistically understanding why people fail to change is the key to helping make sure that we, ourselves, do.

The first thing we need to realize is that change takes time. We can’t just decide to change and then change. We have to work on unlearning our old counterproductive habits and replacing them with new, improved and more productive habits.

Whether it is learning to eat better, or not being so judgmental about other people. Old habits are hard to break and to break them we need gentle reminders to do and be better. And we need those reminders to be consistent over time until the new habits are habitualized. 

The more we practice the new habits, the easier they become. If you a manager of other people and you are trying to help change the business practices of your organization, the most important thing you can do for your staff is to give them the time they need to adopt the new ways of doing things and to provide compassionate gentle nudges to encourage them to continue adapting to the changes.

Always remember, everyone reacts to change differently. Some people embrace change quickly. Some, like my husband, are more wary of change and they need to see others embrace it and succeed with it before they will even consider making the changes themselves. So stagger your change across the organization. Look for early adopters and get them going first. Then look for most everyone else to adapt those changes and finally, realize that there will always be feet draggers. They aren’t dragging their feet to be difficult, they just need more time to adjust and respond to change and they are often pretty stubborn so pushing them isn’t going to get them on board, it will only create resentment. They key to getting the feet draggers is to help them see how much happier and effective everyone else is now that they have embraced the needed changes and that they should too.

Remember, everyone responds to change differently. Your job as their manager is to help them adapt to change in a way that respects them for the individual they are and without treating them like a programmable robot.

Learn more about the science of change with this free e-course: https://humanistlearning.com/the-science-of-change/ 

The Man in the Mirror

Michael Jackson was a man of many talents. One of my favorite songs of his was “Man In the Mirror.”

The lyrics are really wonderful.

“I’m starting with the man in the mirror. I’m asking him to change his ways. And no message could have been any clearer. If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change.”

Sounds like Humanism to me.

If we want to make the world a better place we first have to start with our assumptions about ourselves. What are we capable of? What do we want to accomplish? What are we responsible for? Until we can answer those questions, we can’t hope to create the change we would like to see in society.

Challenge yourself first. Only then can you challenge the world.

Nothing ever changes

So… I ran into a girlfriend over the weekend that I haven’t seen in ages. It was nice, though a little awkward. She wants to friend me on facebook. I’m not sure I should do that because, well… as it turns out, she is one of the people I wrote about in my book and not in a flattering way. If she knew I wrote a book, she would want to read it and while I didn’t use any names she would definitely recognize herself and her situation. You see she has problems with basic life management issues. I was hoping when I saw her those issues would be resolved, given that I haven’t seen her in over 5 years. It turns out they aren’t and I was not all that surprised.


Now, why am I telling you this? Two reasons. The first is that if you find yourself attracted to someone who has basic life management issues such as not being able to secure housing, transport, food, or being able to get or hold a job in a normal economy (current conditions do not apply) don’t assume it is a temporary problem. Even poor people are able to find housing and food. So unless you want to end up taking care of a person who can’t be cared for, don’t date a person like this.

The second reason is that if this describes you: YOU NEED TO CHANGE! You can’t look to other people to solve your problems for you. You need to do that for yourself. It is your responsibility and no one else’s. If you are emotionally incapable of coping, seek help. You will be surprised how effective drugs are today. They can help take the edge off so you can focus without nasty numbing side effects. Remember, the Humanist approach to happiness is to take personal responsibility for your life and your happiness.