Question:
What advice can you give to an employee who works for a narcissistic boss? What are the signs of a narcissist boss? What are common mistakes employees make when dealing with one?
Answer:
I teach how to handle harassment using behavioral psychology techniques and humanistic compassion. I have a course on how to handle bad bullying bosses and how to prevent passive aggressive people from wreaking havoc.
The technique to deal with this is super super simple. CYA. Document everything. Approach them as supportive and friendly and make it clear you are there to help them. Then, document everything. Every conversation. You do this, not to get them in trouble, but to create clarity about what work needs to be done, when and by whom. This is usually enough to keep the narcissists anxiety down and helps them think of you as an ally, not as an enemy, which in turn, makes it easier for you. I also find it helpful to keep them in the loop about everything that is going on, so that they don’t start thinking people are plotting against them.
In short, working for a narcissist means you are going to spend a LOT of time helping them manage their mental health.
Narcissists make bad managers because instead of thinking about the mission of the project and getting the project done, they are focused on making themselves look good. They categorize people into allies and enemies. In order to work with one, you have to be seen as an ally.
The challenge is to be
an ally, without sacrificing your moral values and still standing up to them,
but doing so in a way that they don’t fight. Many people will
either fight them or just give them everything they want. To do a good
job when your boss is a narcissist means, appeasing them as a way to constrain
them.
