What is happiness?

Recent research on what makes people happy. 5 traits of happy people.

Your Morals is a great blog/research site. You can sign up and explore your morals while helping researcher do research on morals, ethics and correlations amongst behaviors.

Recently there was a post about how consumer choices correlate to happiness. (See: http://www.yourmorals.org/blog/2013/03/what-is-happiness-five-characteristics-of-happy-people/)

We all know money can’t buy happiness, but it clearly can to a certain point, after which you get diminishing returns. Regardless, what sorts of spending choices correlate with happiness?

1) Manage money well – think before you spend/act – Don’t act/spend compulsively. Good Humanist advice for life.

2) Spend your money on experiences, not things. Experiences give you memories. Stuff gives you a crowded house.

3) Focus on your happy memories, not the unpleasant ones – this seems obvious.

4) Happy people catch the emotions of others, both the good and the bad. The thing is, by paying attention to other people, you feel more connected and this helps you be more happy.

5) Happy people live in a great community. This section has my favorite quote of the article

“A person is happiest when three basic psychological needs are satisfied: autonomy, competence, and relatedness.”

Autonomy, competence, and relatedness. I would agree with that – though the challenge is how to find the right balance between autonomy and relatedness. For me Humanism is a reminder to seek out that balance.

Was it my fault?

Why I am responsible for my actions and how accepting fault can make life easier.

Derek Sivers had a post a while back about how everything is his fault. (see: http://sivers.org/my-fault) In it, he talks about the epiphany he had when he realized, everything he was upset about was his fault. And how much his life has changed since he had that realization.

Realizing it is your fault is empowering. You aren’t a victim of fate. You made a mistake and now you can correct it. But you can only do that if you admit it is my fault and I am responsible for fixing the mess I’ve made.

To me, this is a perfectly Humanist approach to the problem of living.  I am responsible for my actions. I have to live with the consequences, so it is best that I choose my actions wisely.

Will I always choose optimally? Of course not. I am limited in my knowledge and my experience and my ability to devote time to figuring out whether what I know is even so.  The truth is, I have to prioritize my time.

I have to decide how much time and attention to give to my son, my husband, my work, my friends, and how much I volunteer to give back to the society in which I live. Each of these decisions involves a tradeoff.

Instead of blinding going along and hoping for the best, I feel it is better to at least be open to the possibility that I am completely blowing it. That way I can correct course quickly instead of driving off the proverbial cliff.

Does accepting fault make life easier? Oh heck yeah it does. I find that I can’t fix my problems until I admit that I have a problem. Admitting I have a problem is the hardest part.

What is your favorite aspect of taking responsibility? 

One of the Beautiful People

A new Humanist anthem by Julian Lennon?


Pretty much every Humanist I know considers Imagine by John Lennon to be an unofficial Humanist anthem. It’s a great statement about what the world can be like.

I realize this might make me odd, but I am a fan of Julian Lennon. Have been since he put out his first album and I have purchased all his albums since then. He’s got a great pop sensibility and I like his singing.

He recently put out a new single featuring Steven Tyler called Someday. It’s a beautiful psychedelic number that evokes George Harrison and John Lennon all mixed together in a nice melange of feel good hope for the future. I love that he borrowed “How does it feel to be one of the beautiful people” and incorporated it into the song.

Anyway, for me, it’s a bit like a new Humanist anthem, though it doesn’t quite replace Duran Duran’s Reach out for the sunrise. It’s a lovely video though.





At the urging of one of my friends, I decided to put together a Humanist songs playlist – here it is: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLKP17G_zwgeLJHzNgfp-HavRVKCevUrDL - what songs would you add? Let me know!

How to be assertive

What is assertiveness and how to be assertive and not be a jerk

There are a lot of bullies in the workplace. Some people have learned they can get their way if they bully others. To compete and be heard while not being a bully yourself is difficult for everyone. 

Here are some tips on how you can assert yourself effectively against a workplace bully and not be a jerk in the process.

1)          Remain calm. Allow bullies to be the jerks they are. Feel sorry for them, but most importantly remain calm. Wait for them to blow out and then state your case calmly refuting what you think needs to be refuted. Stick to facts and don’t take it personal or make it personal. It isn’t. This will earn you a tremendous amount of respect. Plus, your calm demeanor will be a breath of fresh air after the blow hard of the bully.

2)          Make sure to make eye contact with whomever it is you are addressing. Body language is important. If you aren’t afraid to make eye contact, people will notice that and will understand it as confidence. Practice your posture, eye contact and handshakes. They should be firm but not painful. Don’t make handshake a competition. This isn’t an aggressive thing. It’s about projecting calm confidence.

3)          Speak with the authority of a teacher. You have knowledge. Share it. You don’t need to couch what you know to be true as “I think” or  “It’s possible.” This is tentative language. If you find it hard to assert your opinion, and still want to make sure people know it’s just an opinion, try saying, “this is how I would do it if it were up to me and here is why.”  This signals to others that you are confident in your proposed solution. They can either learn why you hold your opinion, or ignore you, but they ignore your input at their own risk. 

In order to be able to do these things under pressure, you have to practice saying them and doing them in order to actually do them when it matters.  It takes time for these new ways of behaving to become habits so be patient and keep reminding yourself to do better.

When is it hardest to be assertive? How do you find the confidence to stand up for what is right without losing your cool?