Constructive Criticism

Learning how to take criticism constructively is important. How can managers adjust their approach to help their employees take criticism constructively even if the employee is “sensitive?”

Job success and satisfaction are tied together. By and large people want to do good and they feel good when they do. The problem is that all work requires learning and adjustments. The ability and willingness to correct mistakes is key. This is why constructive criticism is so important.

The problem is that the very real humans you are trying to give advice to have their own issues and their own insecurities. And these insecurities get in the way of people actually learning how to improve what they are doing.

So, in the spirit of Humanistic Leadership and business management, let’s talk about what the research shows us about best practices when it comes to constructive criticism.

The good news is that there are really just two main variables that impact how a person responds to criticism.

Self Esteem

The first is self-esteem. People with low self-esteem respond very poorly to criticism. In fact the more they fight it, the lower their self-esteem probably is. Managers can use this information by recognizing that in order to deliver constructive advice; they first have to provide some support to help shore up the self-esteem of the individual they are critiquing. You can do this by complimenting them on what they are doing right and then framing the advice as a way that they can improve even more and do even better and that you are confident in their ability to rise to the challenge.

Gender Differences

The second thing is that it turns out that men and women respond to criticism differently.  This basically means that how they defend themselves from the criticism differs. Men tend to express their feelings outward, in other words, the person critiquing them is the person with the problem. Women tend to internalize it by beating themselves up or taking the criticism as a personal attack. As a result, it is fairly easy to recognize men who have low self-esteem, they are the ones bashing and blaming everyone else for their mistakes.  Women, on the other hand are harder to recognize because the anger and frustration are directed inwards. This is a challenge for managers who will need to make an extra effort with female employees to ensure that bad feelings don’t start to fester and to find ways to assess HOW the advice was taken.

Ego

As for the rest of us – what is the advice to take criticism better? Let go of your ego. Your goal should be to do the best job you can and any criticism you receive regardless of why it is being given, should be viewed as an opportunity to learn and improve. If you are focused on your ultimate goal of being successful, you are more likely to use criticism to help you achieve your goals. 

What was the worst advice you ever received. What did you learn from it?

PS – this post was inspired by a press release sent out by Psychtests.com in case you were interested and is based on their research.  - http://testyourself.psychtests.com/testid/2129

The Science of Optimism

Why optimism is good for your, regardless of what the skeptics say.

I have become a huge fan of a blog called Brain Pickings. They have such interesting posts. Anyway – one was about the science of optimism. Go ahead and read it here: http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2012/12/12/science-of-optimism-sharot/

I like that it provides science to back up what I already feel which is that being optimistic is better than being pessimistic. And yeah, I realize that is confirmation bias at work, but I am too much of an optimistic to care.

Here is a synopsis:

“Though the belief in a better future is often an illusion, optimism has clear benefits in the present. Hope keeps our minds at ease, lowers stress, and improves physical health. This is probably the most surprising benefit of optimism. All else being equal, optimists are healthier and live longer. It is not just that healthy people are more optimistic, but optimism can enhance health. Expecting our future to be good reduces stress and anxiety, which is good for our health. Researchers studying heart attack patients have found that optimists were more likely than nonoptimistic patients to take vitamins, eat low-fat diets, and exercise, thereby reducing their overall coronary risk. A study of cancer patients revealed that pessimistic patients under the age of 60 were more likely to die within eight months than nonpessimistic patients of the same initial health, status, and age.”

In other words, optimism may be a bit irrational but that doesn’t really matter because the optimism helps us cope better with difficulties, leads us to take better care of ourselves and plan more effectively for the future. Take that pessimistic skeptics – you know who you are! Of course, the standard caveat applies – all things in moderation. The pessimistic skeptics aren’t completely wrong either – as always, it’s about getting the balance right.

The real question is what are you irrationally optimistic about and why do you cling to your optimism despite it all? 

Negotiating with a child

How a Humanistic Parent uses negotiation to help their children learn how to think critically and better navigate social interactions.

I realize a lot of parenting experts counsel against negotiating with a child. They say it erodes parental authority. I think they are wrong. I negotiate with my child all the time. Negotiation is an important skill. It helps the child learn to use their words to get what they want and that is so much better than them thinking the only way to get what they want is through a tantrum. It helps them develop verbal skills, reasoning, and compassion.

Here are some basic negotiation techniques to help you get the most out of your child:

Treat negotiation like a game.

Negotiation done well is fun. Sometimes I throw in absurd conditions into the negotiation to see what my son will do with it.

Both sides must be willing to give and take a bit.

This helps your child understand and learn that you will be flexible only if they will. Reciprocity is a good thing for kids to learn.

You can’t always get what you want.

I often allow my son to attempt negotiation even when I know what he is trying to negotiate isn’t something he will succeed at. As he “forces” me to give him good reasons why I won’t give in, he learns quite a lot about my reasoning in the process. And, assuming I have a good reason why not to give in – he deserves to know what those reasons are.

Diminishing returns:

This is a trick I learned from my dad. If you offer a fair deal and your child refuses it – trying to get more, you start negotiating in the other direction, meaning, the deal the child is getting keeps getting worse and worse. For example, if you are negotiating a weekend bedtime and you offer an extra ½ hour and they want an extra hour – you might drop it to 15 minutes and if they keep trying to get their hour – drop to 10 minutes, 5 minutes, regular bedtime, ½ early. The reason to do this is because part of the art of negotiation is knowing when to stop and take the deal you have if it is a good deal. It doesn’t take long for them to understand that the more they protest, the more they are losing and they should take a good deal when it is offered.

Do you negotiate with your child? If so what are some of the techniques you use? 

Finding Clarity

Gain Clarity, Get Committed, and Capture Your Goals With Critical Thinking

Humanists are by and large internally motivated. Our philosophy helps us to prioritize our ethics and find balance between our competing needs, desires and responsibilities. Plus, and this is a big plus, the time we spend on learning how to think well helps us to find clarity.

I say this because a LOT of people think that critical thinking is boring and intellectual. But spending some time learning how to think about how you think is actually the key to gaining clarity and from clarity commitment and motivation to accomplish your goals, whatever they might be. 

So, let’s talk about the process of finding clarity in the context of critical thinking and Humanist ethics and how this will help us to be more successful in life. 

First up: Refection.

What do you want to accomplish and more importantly, why?

If you want to gain clarity of purpose in your life, you need to spend some time considering why you think the things you think and whether what you think is even so. This is the power of critical thinking and the power of why. Asking yourself why helps you properly define the real problem you are trying to solve. This helps bring clarity and puts in you a position to be successful! In a way that focusing on what you want to accomplish won’t.

Next: Visioning.

Now that you are clear on your goal, the next step is to consider what an ideal solution to your problem might be. And again, we have to do something thinking to get this right. If you don’t want your solution to be limited, you need to ask yourself is what if.  What if things were different? What if I could end world hunger? What if there were no limitations put on you. Finding the motivation to take on the world is tough. Spending time thinking about what if possibilities helps you gain the motivation by helping you truly understand what is at stake and what can be gained by your efforts. 

Finally: Strategy.

Once you know what you want to accomplish, why you want to accomplish and what the benefits are to acheiving your goals, the next step is to develop a pragmatic strategy to accomplish it. Pie in the sky ideas are great but they won’t become reality unless you do some hard thinking about what is possible in reality. What steps do you need to take to get there. What will actually work vs. what do you just think will work. And again, critical thinking is key. If your assumptions about what works and what doesn’t is flawed, you aren’t going to succeed.  Critical thinking is key.

Here is a nice exercise, share with me what your goals are and more importantly why you chose that goal.