The Simplicity of Morality

Why shopping carts are objects worthy of moral contemplation.

I feel like I am creating a movement based on shopping cart morality. I hate false dichotomies, but it does seem like there are two types of people in the world. Those who put their shopping carts back and those who don’t. Obviously that’s a false dichotomy because there are also those of us who put them back sometimes and not others.

Anyway – I have written about shopping cart morality before – here: http://humanisthappiness.blogspot.com/2012/04/shopping-cart-morality.html

One of my followers, Andy had this to say about my theories on shopping cart morality:

“I not only return my cart, but other people's. I never really thought of it as a moral activity, just not being self-centered and lazy. But I suppose when you get down to it, not acting as though you're doing the world a favor by existing and everyone should cater to your whims is probably a moral stance. Or at the least the result of a stream of ethical thoughts.”

I agree – don’t be a dick – which is another post – enjoy. http://humanisthappiness.blogspot.com/2011/04/dont-be-dick.html

Eleanor Roosevelt on Humanistic Business Management.

Treating employees as human isn’t new. The humanistic business management principles Eleanor Roosevelt used in her life and work.

Ok, so Eleanor Roosevelt wasn’t a Humanist, though she may have been. The problem is that the term didn’t come into popularity until recently. She was, however, active during the time that Humanist ideas were coalescing into a movement and she certainly would have been aware of the efforts of prominent people of her time to establish a better more humane and human approach to ethics.


I have been reading her book You Learn from Living, which I highly recommend (Get book here! ) Here is what she had to say about managing staff. It is totally consistent which the principles of humanistic business management. I am paraphrasing her here:

It is more effective to get staff to volunteer to contribute rather than demanding compliance. One is ordering, one is getting buy in. Ordering is easier but the work produced is not as good. Therefore it is a good rule of thumb to treat your employees as if they are volunteers.

Having been a volunteer manager myself, I agree with this. If you can learn how to manage volunteers well, those same skills work wonderfully with paid staff. They key to it all is recognizing that people are autonomous individuals. They can choose to do what you need them to do or they can choose not to. Even if you are paying them. So it is best to convince them of the need and get their buy in. That way you get a more engaged staff who does better work and who acts as if they are part of the team. And isn’t that so much better than managing people who are just punching the clock?

We’re all going to die!

Why mortality is inspiring!

There is a great video from Richard Dawkins reading from his book Unweaving the Rainbow in which he says “we are all going to die and that makes us the lucky ones.”

I don’t know a single Humanist who doesn’t agree with that sentiment. It’s not that we want to die. We want to live life fully. It is just that we recognize how incredible it is that we are alive at all. Our birth was not inevitable. It was a matter of luck and chance.

Knowing that it’s amazing that I am even here, why would I waste this opportunity? Even the bad bits are worth savoring as an experience. Though, admittedly, there are experiences I would have preferred not to have gone through, they do make up who I am now.

Yes, I’m going to die at some point. We’re all going to die. The question is, what are you going to do in the meantime? Continue through life on autopilot? Or embrace life fully?

Here is Dawkin’s We’re all going to die video – enjoy and be inspired.

Work Happy

Humanist advice for finding more happiness and satisfaction at work.

1)          Do your best. Just deciding to focus on your personal ethics, has a huge impact on how satisfied you feel as an individual. Even if the people around you aren’t ethical, the fact that you are making it a priority to be good will help you withstand and cope with the stress of a difficult workplace. It isn’t a panacea, but it really does help.

2)          Make sure you balance work and life. No one can balance your work and life for you. You have to make it your responsibility to find a balance that works for you. You have to respect your limitations and understand that the need for personal time to recharge helps your business. Not all managers will see it this way, but you have to do this for you. These are the boundaries you have to set for yourself. Not that you aren’t willing to go the extra mile when called upon. It is more that if your company is always in crisis mode, it isn’t being managed very well. Studies show that working longer hours does not translate into higher productivity. You actually can get more done in less time and at a higher quality if you limit the time you allow yourself to work. 

3)          Be honest with what is possible and reasonable. This ties into the work life balance thing. Don’t lie and say you can get something done just to be a team player. Management is better served by you if you are honest about the amount of time it is going to take to get it done and what resources are needed. Whenever I was asked by a manager to do something ridiculous or stupid or was not provided with adequate resources or time to get it done I would laugh and then say “seriously, when do you need this done by.” I always did this with a smile on my face and was never fired for being so brazen. The only way to have a rational conversation about what was really required to accomplish a goal is to insist that the conversation be rational. Of course, having done this, make sure you over deliver; otherwise your credibility will be shot.

4)          Be nice. It is very easy for conflicts and disagreements in the workplace to become personal. Don’t let them be personal. You are working with a variety of personalities. They all have experiences you can’t even imagine that go into forming their behavior, interests, personalities and more. Allow everyone to be who they are and don’t expect them to conform to your ideas of who they should be. Most interpersonal conflicts arise because we try to control other people or they try to control us. Instead, view all your co-workers as your partners. Celebrate the differences because together as a workforce you can do so much more if your combine your strengths instead of focusing on what you perceive to be a weakness. Everyone there was hired for a reason. They have something valuable to contribute. Let them.

What advice do you have to make work happy?

What is happiness?

Recent research on what makes people happy. 5 traits of happy people.

Your Morals is a great blog/research site. You can sign up and explore your morals while helping researcher do research on morals, ethics and correlations amongst behaviors.

Recently there was a post about how consumer choices correlate to happiness. (See: http://www.yourmorals.org/blog/2013/03/what-is-happiness-five-characteristics-of-happy-people/)

We all know money can’t buy happiness, but it clearly can to a certain point, after which you get diminishing returns. Regardless, what sorts of spending choices correlate with happiness?

1) Manage money well – think before you spend/act – Don’t act/spend compulsively. Good Humanist advice for life.

2) Spend your money on experiences, not things. Experiences give you memories. Stuff gives you a crowded house.

3) Focus on your happy memories, not the unpleasant ones – this seems obvious.

4) Happy people catch the emotions of others, both the good and the bad. The thing is, by paying attention to other people, you feel more connected and this helps you be more happy.

5) Happy people live in a great community. This section has my favorite quote of the article

“A person is happiest when three basic psychological needs are satisfied: autonomy, competence, and relatedness.”

Autonomy, competence, and relatedness. I would agree with that – though the challenge is how to find the right balance between autonomy and relatedness. For me Humanism is a reminder to seek out that balance.

Was it my fault?

Why I am responsible for my actions and how accepting fault can make life easier.

Derek Sivers had a post a while back about how everything is his fault. (see: http://sivers.org/my-fault) In it, he talks about the epiphany he had when he realized, everything he was upset about was his fault. And how much his life has changed since he had that realization.

Realizing it is your fault is empowering. You aren’t a victim of fate. You made a mistake and now you can correct it. But you can only do that if you admit it is my fault and I am responsible for fixing the mess I’ve made.

To me, this is a perfectly Humanist approach to the problem of living.  I am responsible for my actions. I have to live with the consequences, so it is best that I choose my actions wisely.

Will I always choose optimally? Of course not. I am limited in my knowledge and my experience and my ability to devote time to figuring out whether what I know is even so.  The truth is, I have to prioritize my time.

I have to decide how much time and attention to give to my son, my husband, my work, my friends, and how much I volunteer to give back to the society in which I live. Each of these decisions involves a tradeoff.

Instead of blinding going along and hoping for the best, I feel it is better to at least be open to the possibility that I am completely blowing it. That way I can correct course quickly instead of driving off the proverbial cliff.

Does accepting fault make life easier? Oh heck yeah it does. I find that I can’t fix my problems until I admit that I have a problem. Admitting I have a problem is the hardest part.

What is your favorite aspect of taking responsibility? 

One of the Beautiful People

A new Humanist anthem by Julian Lennon?


Pretty much every Humanist I know considers Imagine by John Lennon to be an unofficial Humanist anthem. It’s a great statement about what the world can be like.

I realize this might make me odd, but I am a fan of Julian Lennon. Have been since he put out his first album and I have purchased all his albums since then. He’s got a great pop sensibility and I like his singing.

He recently put out a new single featuring Steven Tyler called Someday. It’s a beautiful psychedelic number that evokes George Harrison and John Lennon all mixed together in a nice melange of feel good hope for the future. I love that he borrowed “How does it feel to be one of the beautiful people” and incorporated it into the song.

Anyway, for me, it’s a bit like a new Humanist anthem, though it doesn’t quite replace Duran Duran’s Reach out for the sunrise. It’s a lovely video though.





At the urging of one of my friends, I decided to put together a Humanist songs playlist – here it is: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLKP17G_zwgeLJHzNgfp-HavRVKCevUrDL - what songs would you add? Let me know!

How to be assertive

What is assertiveness and how to be assertive and not be a jerk

There are a lot of bullies in the workplace. Some people have learned they can get their way if they bully others. To compete and be heard while not being a bully yourself is difficult for everyone. 

Here are some tips on how you can assert yourself effectively against a workplace bully and not be a jerk in the process.

1)          Remain calm. Allow bullies to be the jerks they are. Feel sorry for them, but most importantly remain calm. Wait for them to blow out and then state your case calmly refuting what you think needs to be refuted. Stick to facts and don’t take it personal or make it personal. It isn’t. This will earn you a tremendous amount of respect. Plus, your calm demeanor will be a breath of fresh air after the blow hard of the bully.

2)          Make sure to make eye contact with whomever it is you are addressing. Body language is important. If you aren’t afraid to make eye contact, people will notice that and will understand it as confidence. Practice your posture, eye contact and handshakes. They should be firm but not painful. Don’t make handshake a competition. This isn’t an aggressive thing. It’s about projecting calm confidence.

3)          Speak with the authority of a teacher. You have knowledge. Share it. You don’t need to couch what you know to be true as “I think” or  “It’s possible.” This is tentative language. If you find it hard to assert your opinion, and still want to make sure people know it’s just an opinion, try saying, “this is how I would do it if it were up to me and here is why.”  This signals to others that you are confident in your proposed solution. They can either learn why you hold your opinion, or ignore you, but they ignore your input at their own risk. 

In order to be able to do these things under pressure, you have to practice saying them and doing them in order to actually do them when it matters.  It takes time for these new ways of behaving to become habits so be patient and keep reminding yourself to do better.

When is it hardest to be assertive? How do you find the confidence to stand up for what is right without losing your cool?