Pick One

One of the topics that comes up during the Q&A after my talks is how to not get overwhelmed. Once you start feeling compassion for everyone on the planet, the challenge becomes how to not let all the bad stuff that is happening to all those people overwhelm you. Related to this is how to survive emotionally amongst all the requests for assistance. There are so many good causes to get involved with and they are all worthy and they all need help. How is a good person supposed to maintain balance in the face of it all?

My advice? Pick one. You can’t do it all, but that shouldn’t stop you from doing something. So pick something that matters to you and that you think you can make a difference in. It really doesn’t matter what it is. Just pick one, get involved and try to make things better in that one area. Not only will you be more effective if you focus your efforts, you will also be happier.

We all know intellectually that we can’t do everything at once and be everywhere simultaneously and that we shouldn’t even try to. The problem is convincing our hearts, which bleed with compassion. Just remind yourself that there are in fact people working on those other issues and their work frees you up to focus on the one issue you have picked, safe in the knowledge that those other issues are indeed being worked on.

If that doesn’t do the trick, I will absolve you of the sin of not being superhuman. There - now you have my official permission to pick one without feeling too much guilt. So go forth and help make your corner of the world a better place.

Circumstances Beyond Your Control

Ok - I write about the Humanist Approach to happiness, but lets be honest. It’s impossible to be happy all the time. Sometimes bad stuff happens that’s beyond our control. Whether it is an insane gunman killing random people at a rally, or it’s a sudden loss of a child, which just happened to a friend of a friend. Stuff happens and when that stuff happens, it is normal and natural to be upset by it.

So, how do we as Humanists cope? How do we reclaim our sense of hope and wonder and joy when the news is so depressing? Well, it isn’t easy. And, it takes time. And that’s ok. Again, you are not going to be happy all the time. And unfortunately, there is no magic wand you can wave to make all the sorrows and sadness in your life go away.

While I hate to gratuitously pitch my book, it does have an entire chapter about coping with grief so if you want to learn more about coping with those emotions, please get yourself a copy. What I want to focus on here is that the way back to happiness requires you to regain control of a situation that you had no control over. And the way you do that is to consciously make a decision to do so.

And in the meantime, while you are working at regaining control, there are some tricks to helping you calm your mind enough to focus on the task ahead of you. Whether you repeat the Serenity Prayer as your mantra or meditate, doesn’t matter. As long as you find a way to focus your energy productively despite your

Don’t put that in your mouth. Unless …

Ok - so, I am the mom of a 5 yr old and the other day he put a bunch of pennies in his mouth. He didn’t have a good reason why he did that, though he did say they tasted horrible. Like any good mom, I made up a new rule. If it isn’t food, it doesn’t belong in your mouth. Simple enough. Self-evident. Easy to follow and easy to understand. No exceptions. Right?

Wrong. My sister kindly pointed out that toothbrushes and toothpaste are not food, yet, they do indeed belong in your mouth. So, there you have it. No rule, no matter how simple or how obvious or how much you agree with it is absolute. They all have valid exceptions.

Why am I bringing this up? Because Humanism is all about personal ethics and ethics are nothing more then a set of rules to help you be a better more moral person. The problem is that many people treat ethical rules as if they are absolute when they aren’t. Humanists understand that all ethics are situational. Meaning that even if a rule is good, there are times when you need to break it to do the right thing. For instance, if you don’t occasionally put non-foodstuff in your mouth, like a toothbrush, your teeth will eventually fall out.

A Delicate Balance

I have been helping a friend of mine from Bahrain edit an essay about Humanism. I am loving the essay. It continues to astonish me how people from all over the world manage to reach the same conclusions about life. Anyway, he said I could share some of it with you and the bit I want to share has to do with balancing the competing aspects of the Humanist philosophy. As I agree whole-heartedly I am sharing it here.

He quotes Barry Seidman who is a writer, producer and Humanist who wrote in an essay titled Imagine All the People the following statement.

If we cling to atheism as the basis for our behavior in society, then we may become what I call, "atheist avengers," putting our energies in debunking God while leaving social justice issues behind. If we only focus on science and skepticism we risk the twin evils of elitism and arrogance, finding more strength in attacking religionists or debunking the masses, than in making the world a better place to live. And if we focus only on social justice issues and ignore the problems of supernaturalism and the tool of science, we can find ourselves trapped in the labyrinth of postmodernism, and wind up building our societies on the fallacy that humans have free will. - Barry Seidman

My friend, A.R.M. of Bahrain, sums up the various aspects of Humanism thusly “So humanistic thoughts mostly concentrate on living a peaceful life, doing good, research, critical thinking, social justice, making the world better place to live, free will, and democracy.” Now that’s what I call balance.