Why Are We So Obsessed with Cats? It’s All About Variable Reinforcement

Ever wonder why people can become so obsessed with cats? The answer lies in a psychological concept called variable reinforcement. This happens when sometimes we get what we want—like a cat’s affection—and sometimes we don’t. 

Cats are perfect at this because, let’s face it, they have their own agenda. Sometimes they give us attention, and sometimes they completely ignore us. This unpredictability makes us crave their affection even more.

The key is that variable reinforcement strengthens behaviors and attachments. It’s the same mechanism behind a lot of other behaviors, from gambling addictions to attachment in abusive relationships. In fact, variable reinforcement is one of the reasons people stay in toxic situations—they’re constantly chasing the next positive moment, no matter how rare it is.

If you want to understand more about how this works and how it can affect relationships, check out my website bullyvaccineproject.com. It’s free and includes helpful primers on variable reinforcement and how to break the cycle if you find yourself in an unhealthy relationship dynamic.

As for cats, they’re not being manipulative—they just have cat thoughts and don’t think like humans. But their behavior can teach us a lot about why we attach to unpredictable sources of affection.

Why Our Brains Struggle with Women in Leadership—and How to Fix It

The human brain is an incredible pattern recognition device. Every day, it sifts through thousands of pieces of information, creating and reinforcing patterns to help us navigate the world efficiently. But this incredible capacity can also become a barrier, especially when it comes to bias against women in leadership roles.

For many, the traditional image of a leader is a man. This isn't surprising, given that for centuries leadership roles—whether in business, politics, or other spheres—have been overwhelmingly dominated by men. Over time, this has solidified a powerful mental model: leadership = male.

So, what happens when a woman steps into a leadership role? For some people, their brains simply don’t recognize the pattern. The brain, accustomed to a different model of leadership, resists this new input because it doesn’t align with the established mental pattern. As a result, people may unconsciously doubt, resist, or even undermine women in leadership positions—not because of conscious prejudice, but because their brains are wired to expect something different.

This isn’t an excuse for sexism, but it is a way to understand it. Our brains tend to fight what they don’t recognize. But the good news is that we can retrain our brains. Just as any other skill, brain patterns can be changed with enough repetition.

Training the Brain: The Power of Representation

One of the most effective ways to reshape these mental models is through repeated exposure to new patterns. This is where representation becomes critical. The more we see women in leadership positions—whether in real life or in stories—the more our brains can adapt to the idea that women belong in these roles.

Think of it as updating an old operating system. With enough repetition, the brain learns to recognize women as leaders just as easily as it does men. This is why representation in media, stories, and everyday life is so important. It's not just about fairness; it’s about retraining society’s collective brain to recognize women in power as the new normal.

The Resistance to Change

Of course, not everyone is on board with this change. Some people push back against the idea of women in leadership—or against representation of diverse groups in stories—because their brains don’t like the disruption. When you hear complaints about “too much diversity” in media, for example, it’s often a reflection of discomfort with shifting mental models.

The key to overcoming this discomfort is understanding that change takes time and repetition. The more we expose our brains to new leadership models, the easier it becomes to accept them. It’s not about forcing change on people, but rather about giving their brains enough new information to work with, so that eventually, the idea of a woman in charge becomes as familiar and comfortable as any other well-established pattern.

Dealing with Resistance and Sabotage

While repetition and exposure can help many people adapt to new patterns, not everyone will welcome change, and some may actively resist or sabotage your efforts to create a more inclusive leadership culture. This resistance often stems from discomfort or fear of the unfamiliar, but it can also manifest as deliberate actions aimed at undermining progress. In these cases, it's crucial to recognize that not everyone will adapt—some may dig in their heels to maintain the status quo. My course, Safeguarding Diversity and Inclusion: Unmasking Saboteurs, delves deeply into how to harness behavioral change for good while addressing those who resist. When faced with individuals who continuously sabotage your efforts, the best course of action is to remove them from the equation. Firing individuals who are undermining change not only protects the integrity of your initiative but also sends a clear message that diversity and inclusion are non-negotiable values in your organization. https://hr-credits-us.learnformula.com/course/safeguarding-diversity-and-inclusion-unmasking-saboteurs

More learning at: https://humanistlearning.com 

Conclusion

Bias against women in leadership isn’t just a cultural issue; it’s also a brain science issue. Our brains are wired to recognize patterns, and for too long, leadership has been synonymous with men. By increasing representation and normalizing women in positions of power, we can retrain our brains to see leadership in a more inclusive way. The solution lies in understanding that change happens through repetition and exposure—and that’s why representation matters so much.

Unveiling the Secrets of "Mastering the 5 Managerial Superpowers"

I am thrilled to announce the release of my latest book, Mastering the 5 Managerial Superpowers. This is not just another book on management and leadership—it's a deep dive into the science of how you can truly gain control over your responses, hack your brain using behavioral science, and manage conflict with unprecedented effectiveness.

I honestly believe it’s the most important work I’ve ever written. Here’s why.

Foundational Skills: Building the Bedrock of Effective Leadership

At the heart of Mastering the 5 Managerial Superpowers is the concept of foundational skills. This starts with cultivating self-awareness and compassion—because understanding yourself and showing empathy towards others are the cornerstones of effective leadership.

Once you’ve laid this groundwork, you can move on to mastering self-control. This isn’t about repressing your emotions but rather about understanding them so deeply that you can choose how to respond. Instead of reacting with a knee-jerk impulse, you can respond strategically, turning every situation into an opportunity for positive outcomes.

Hacking Your Brain: The Science of Change

The second big idea in the book is about hacking your brain. I explore how you can use insights from behavioral science to literally rewire your default reactions and change how you deal with problems. Change isn’t just possible; it’s something you can engineer within yourself.

Imagine being able to shift your mindset, break free from unproductive habits, and approach challenges with a renewed sense of clarity. This book shows you how to harness the power of behavioral science to make these changes not just aspirational but achievable.

Managing Conflict: Mastering the Art of Response

Finally, Mastering the 5 Managerial Superpowers delves into one of the most critical aspects of leadership and - life: managing conflict. The key to effective conflict management isn’t just about resolving disagreements. It's about managing your own response to conflict.

By mastering the skills of self-control and strategic response, you can approach conflicts not as threats but as opportunities. This book equips you with the tools to navigate these situations with confidence and poise, ensuring that you lead by example even in the most challenging circumstances.

Why This Book Matters

In a world where change is constant and challenges are inevitable, the ability to control your responses and lead with intention is more important than ever both in your personal and professional life. Mastering the 5 Managerial Superpowers is designed to help you develop these critical skills so that you can not only survive but thrive.

The reason I think this is the best book I've ever written is because it's not just about leadership. It's about self management. And how to accomplish that using behavioral science to change how you respond. I feel like I've shared the secrets of the universe and how to be human - better - in this book. Like everything else I've written was leading up to this. It's an odd feeling to have.  

The funny thing is - I wrote this course and book, because someone asked me to. They told me the topics they wanted me to cover. I thought they were great and I wrote about my approach to self awareness, managing change, conflict management and - managing actual real people. 

The point is, whether you’re a seasoned manager, a new manager, or just want to learn how to be a better human, this book offers actionable insights  based on science that will transform the way you approach your work and your life. 

I truly believe that the tools and techniques outlined in this book can make a profound difference in your life and in your journey as a leader. Thank you for your support, and I look forward to hearing how Mastering the 5 Managerial Superpowers impacts you.

Learn More: 

The online course can be accessed at: https://humanistlearning.com/mastering-the-five-managerial-superpowers/

The paperback is at amazon: https://amzn.to/3SXJy4O

The ebooks are at amazon: https://amzn.to/3AsFvHc

and at your favorite ebook retailers through draft2digital: https://books2read.com/b/bxANgv

The audio book is in process and will be posted at the humanistlearning website once it's available.

Questions about Dealing with Bullies in the Workplace.

 Participants in my online courses ask great questions.  Here are a couple from my stop bullying in the workplace program and my answers to them. They are about false reports and how to effectively document bullying. 

PS if you want to take one of these courses - here is the link: https://humanistlearning.com/category/bullyingharassment/

Question 1: What do you do with a false harassment report?

When a report is false – it tells you something valuable. Which is that – someone just made a false report.    

There are a few reasons why this could be.

1. They lied.

2. They told the truth – but you just don’t know it yet

3. Something between the truth and non-truth is going on.

I would start watching and paying a bit more attention to this employee.  Give them the benefit of the doubt, and see if there are other things going on.  But it’s honestly not unheard of for bullies to make false reports against their targets.  So – treat it as valuable information and monitor.

Just so you know though – I have a colleague who runs a reporting system for a school district. He told me that out of 2 million reports they received – only 2 were false.   It does happen though.

Your goal – to know what the truth is. So – just keep focusing on that.

Question 2: How do you document bullying behavior?

Hi – I have a sample bullying documentation log at: https://bullyvaccineproject.com/courses/downloads/ free to download.

Date – when/where – who  - what exactly happened – who witnessed. – who you reported it to and any documentation available to back it up.

These are mostly for your records – but can be shared with people in authority. Bullying is a pattern of behavior – so it’s important to – document that pattern.

The reporting process in most business aren’t designed to capture patterns of behavior though. They are designed for 1 off situations.  That is a challenge for someone trying to prove bullying.

A log that shows the pattern is what helps people understand – this isn’t just a single incident – it’s a pattern.

Free Bullying Resources for Your Family

I offer free bullying resources in English and Spanish. Where I teach how to stop bullying using behavioral science. The book has been translated into Spanish, Italians and Portuguese  https://bullyvaccineproject.com/ and https://humanistlearning.com/books-bully-vaccine-translations/