Language matters. How you express yourself impacts how you
feel and how you make others feel. Some simple changes can help you accentuate
the positive and make it easier for other people to support you too.
One of my wisest friends, who committed suicide because of
child abuse once told me, “Never ask a guy if you look fat in something.
Instead, focus on the positive. Ask him “Doesn’t this dress make my eyes look
fabulous?”
Her point was that if you ask for negative, you are probably
going to get a negative back. Because even if someone doesn’t want to insult
you – you phrasing your input needs in the negative forces the response to
respond to the negative, even if the person trying to make you feel wants to
help.
If you need to fish for a compliment, it is much better for
your ego to ask for that compliment in a way that no one but a complete idiot
would disagree with. The benefit of doing so is that you make it easier for the
other person to support you!
When you are feeling bad and feel like you are a drain on someone, instead of reinforcing that their support of you is a drag – thank them for their support instead. See this set of cartoons on the subject.
When you are feeling bad and feel like you are a drain on someone, instead of reinforcing that their support of you is a drag – thank them for their support instead. See this set of cartoons on the subject.
I realize that when we are feeling bad we are in our own
head and it’s hard to get out of our first person miserable perspective. But
... if you can practice this – turning your negative around into your supporter’s
positive, you may find that this gets you out of your head enough to make you
feel better while making the other person feel better too.
Is it easy to do? No. Of course not. But it is something you can practice and see if it helps you feel better.
Is it easy to do? No. Of course not. But it is something you can practice and see if it helps you feel better.
For more advice like this – check out my book:
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