Resolving a dispute in the workplace

I teach the Socratic method for resolving disputes in the workplace. There is a reason this methodology has been taught for thousands of years. It works. 

This technique assumes the other person is not being a bully or abusive – but is a normal well-intention ed person who you disagree with. However, even if the other person is being abusive – this will still work – just for different reasons.

The basic idea is that – you stop advocating for what you want. You don’t – let it go – you just set it aside to do – some learning first.

And you ask questions to try and understand where the other person is coming from and more importantly WHY they are advocating or saying the things they are. Everyone in the workplace is under stress.  They may be short and just rather demanding. And they may not have explained why this crazy thing that makes no sense has to happen. When you step back – you can ask supportive questions and get that information and integrate it into your ask.  Which is the 2^nd part.

Once you know – really know and understand what is driving the other person – you can adjust your side of what you want and need to incorporate everyone’s concerns and create a win win solution that will help everyone. This is what leaders do well.  It’s what makes a manager – a leader.

To do this – you need compassion – to view the other person – not as an adversary – but as a colleague who is struggling with something. And humility to understand the world isn’t just about you and your needs. Other people matter too.

And yes, this works. As soon as people do this – it transforms their conversations into things that can be collaboratively solves instead of fights to be won.  My course – by the way is called – how to win arguments without arguing. There is a reason this technique has been taught for millennia. It’s effective.

As to what happens when you use this with a bully – it disarms them. This isn’t about allowing someone to walk over you. It’s about working WITH someone. If that person isn’t capable of working WITH people – that will become clear, but don’t assume that’s the case unless they really resist. What generally happens is that you can neutralize a bully so that they stop bullying you – because their bullying isn’t working. It’s not as simple as that – obviously – but it’s often what happens. You become their ally and they start seeing you as an ally and they start treating you differently and you can – control them through niceness.

If they are have a mental health issue though – they will just spin out of control. The key when dealing with an abusive person is to get any agreement that is made through this process – in writing. So that there can be accountability later if the person is a bully and doesn’t do what they promised to do. You use that written agreement – to re-enter socratic inquiry – but – with witnesses.

Hope this helps – let me know if you have any other questions.

My course and book are available at: https://humanistlearning.com/book-how-to-win-arguments-without-arguing/

If people are dealing with a bullying boss – I have a program for that as well. https://humanistlearning.com/book-program-how-to-humanistically-handle-bad-bullying-bosses/

 

How to deal effectively with age differences in the workplace

Most workplaces have employees that vary in age. One of the most common questions I get - has to do with helping employees and leaders - create cohesive work groups out of teams with large age differences. 

- What requirements do different generations need? 

The big shocker is that there isn’t really much of a difference between generations. They have the same levels of narcissism and emotional problems. They also have similar levels of conscientiousness and stick to itiveness. The big difference actually has to do with social trust. Older people grew up in a time of social investment and as a result – have a lot of social trust. Younger people have been experiencing social disinvestment – so they have low levels of social trust.  This difference in trust may make it seem to an older person that a younger person is less invested. And they may very well be because in their experience, you can’t trust others to follow through on their promises – because society hasn’t.

What younger people need – most companies can’t supply – which is the concept that if they give themselves to the company – the company will reward them for their hard work.  The social trust for that equation – just isn’t quite there for younger people and for good reason.

- How do you avoid workplace conflict and keep everyone happy 

Humanistic communication strategies and a lot of compassion. Everyone has issues. Everyone. The tendency is for people to think they are right and the other person is wrong when a conflict arises. The way around that is to create team cohesiveness. So that everyone sees themselves as part of the same team – working towards a common goal or problem to be solved.  This way – conflicts are seen as disagreement over best course of action as oppose to being seen as life and death struggles for the righteousness of our tribal cause, whatever that is. Disagreements are ok – conflicts are not. Everyone is on the same team getting the same thing done. This means treating everyone with dignity and compassion. If there is a disagreement  - don’t turn it into a conflict. Ask questions so the problem can be solved collaborative. This is true for all groups, not just for groups with age differences.

- How to motivate teams with a mix of generations

Dignity and compassion – for everyone. Foster a culture of social trust and create psychological safety so that people can air disagreements without them blowing up into conflicts. The best solutions are created collaboratively – and that means everyone has input. If you can create a culture where people can pose contrary positions and ideas without being attacked for having different ideas and instead – having those ideas seriously considered, you will create a culture of trust, which will help ensure that disagreements – don’t escalate and that everyone is motivated to contribute because they know their contributions will be welcomed and considered as valid.


And this trust – brings us back to the top. What do people need?  Trust.

To learn more - I have a course on bridging the generation divide – millennials and boomers at Humanist Learning Systems. https://humanistlearning.com/generationaldivide/