Beyond “I Love You”: Practicing All Forms of Love in Relationships and Life

 When most people think of love, they immediately think of eros—passionate, romantic love. And yes, eros is wonderful. It makes our hearts race, our palms sweat, and our Netflix nights feel electric. But here’s the truth: eros alone is not enough. Relying solely on eros can make relationships transactional—because desire can be conditional, fleeting, or tied to “what you do for me.”

Love is far richer than just eros. Philosophers and psychologists have identified many types:

• Philia: deep friendship and companionship
• Storge: familial, nurturing love
• Agape: unconditional, selfless love
• Fraternity: loyalty and camaraderie
• Ludus: playful, flirtatious love
• Pragma: practical, long-term love
• Self-love: recognizing your own worth and boundaries

A thriving relationship isn’t just built on one kind of love—it’s the combination of them all. Think of it as a recipe: too much eros without philia, storge, or agape, and your relationship is sweet but unstable. Too much pragmatism without playfulness, and you risk feeling like roommates rather than lovers.

Someone once asked me, “What’s a way to show your spouse you love them without saying the words, ‘I love you’?”

My answer: I want to be kissed on the neck—and then have him walk away. No words, no ulterior motive. Just a playful, spontaneous gesture. It’s eros, it’s agape, it’s philia—all wrapped into one moment. It says, “I love you—not because I expect anything, but just because.”

If you want to be a good spouse, practice all forms of love with your partner. Play. Care. Support. Nurture. Be loyal. Be practical. And don’t forget to love yourself along the way. Relationships thrive when love is multi-dimensional—and when it’s shared freely, without expectation, and with a dash of playful mischief.

Practicing all forms of love isn’t just good for relationships—it’s central to humanism itself. Humanism reminds us to love everyone, including ourselves, even in difficult moments. While eros—the romantic, passionate spark—may not always fit into this framework, the other forms of love—philia, storge, agape, fraternity, ludus, pragma, and self-love—are deeply aligned with humanist practice. By nurturing friendship, compassion, loyalty, playfulness, practicality, and self-respect, we cultivate a worldview grounded in empathy, mutual care, and the belief that all humans deserve dignity. Just as a thriving relationship depends on the richness of diverse love, humanism flourishes when love in all its forms guides our actions toward ourselves and others.