I am a big fan of a Humanist writer named M.L. Clark. They recently wrote an essay about, "A Humanism that isn't based on ... it could be worse." If you are not already following Clark - you should. Here is the link.
https://www.patheos.com/blogs/anotherwhiteatheistincolombia/2020/05/humanism-could-be-worse/#disqus_thread
This essay - as with all their essays - resonates with me. The big important take away for me is: Pain is not a competition.
I am always surprised by how many people come to me for advice and say things like - I can't afford to freak out or be upset or depressed. Followed by - other people have it worse. Yes - they do - but that doesn't mean that you can't own your pain.
If you feel the need to freak out - you absolutely can. I am giving you permission. In fact - maybe you should! You have earned your emotions, just as I have earned mine.
I lost a child. I earned my freak out the hard way. Other people have lost family, or have a child in crisis. Whatever is going wrong for you - you have earned the emotions you all are experiencing as a result of it.
It is possible to experience your emotions - and then - move on with fixing them. I find - just acknowledging the validity of my emotions - helps me cope. I don't need to compare myself to others or diminish other people's pain. My pain is my own. And I've earned it. And I can still strive to do better. To me - that is what it is to be human and humanist.
Stop holding yourself up to an impossible standard. Yes - you have things that need to be done and demands on your time and it's horrible. Yup. It's ok to allow the horribleness of your situation to envelop you. Stop trying to fight it. Once you accept it - you can often rejoin the fight to make things better in a better frame of mind without causing a total meltdown (and yes - I've had a couple of those too - they are seriously unpleasant- but again - I earned them the hard way - the important thing is - they don't define me - they are just horrible things I experienced as part of this thing called - life.)
So - own your pain. It's yours. You don't have to compare yourself to others and if being strong is too much - stop being strong and wallow for a bit. Trust me - having been in some really deep places - it's impossible to wallow forever. Indulge a bit - and then move on - you will be emotionally healthier if you do this than if you try to contain it for some absurd reason.
Humanism can't just be about being a good person. It also has to be about allowing everyone to be fully human. And that means - you are allowed to have the full range of human emotions. I mean for effs sake - if something horrible happened - how else are you supposed to feel - but horrible. You can survive these emotions. Just - feel them. It's ok if you do and you will be ok if you do. These emotions are part of the human tool kit for a reason.
And if you are feeling them and feeling overwhelmed - seek out the help of a counselor. They have learned all sorts of tips and tricks to help you cope. The biggest mistake I've made in my life is not seeking the help of mental health professionals when I needed it because I thought - others had it worse than me so I should be able to cope on my own. Nope - there are things that can happen that are so bad - that we all need help to cope with them when they happen. That's part of the human experience too - sharing each other's loads. So - seek help if you need it. You will be glad you did.
Good luck.
https://www.patheos.com/blogs/anotherwhiteatheistincolombia/2020/05/humanism-could-be-worse/#disqus_thread
This essay - as with all their essays - resonates with me. The big important take away for me is: Pain is not a competition.
I am always surprised by how many people come to me for advice and say things like - I can't afford to freak out or be upset or depressed. Followed by - other people have it worse. Yes - they do - but that doesn't mean that you can't own your pain.
If you feel the need to freak out - you absolutely can. I am giving you permission. In fact - maybe you should! You have earned your emotions, just as I have earned mine.
I lost a child. I earned my freak out the hard way. Other people have lost family, or have a child in crisis. Whatever is going wrong for you - you have earned the emotions you all are experiencing as a result of it.
It is possible to experience your emotions - and then - move on with fixing them. I find - just acknowledging the validity of my emotions - helps me cope. I don't need to compare myself to others or diminish other people's pain. My pain is my own. And I've earned it. And I can still strive to do better. To me - that is what it is to be human and humanist.
Stop holding yourself up to an impossible standard. Yes - you have things that need to be done and demands on your time and it's horrible. Yup. It's ok to allow the horribleness of your situation to envelop you. Stop trying to fight it. Once you accept it - you can often rejoin the fight to make things better in a better frame of mind without causing a total meltdown (and yes - I've had a couple of those too - they are seriously unpleasant- but again - I earned them the hard way - the important thing is - they don't define me - they are just horrible things I experienced as part of this thing called - life.)
So - own your pain. It's yours. You don't have to compare yourself to others and if being strong is too much - stop being strong and wallow for a bit. Trust me - having been in some really deep places - it's impossible to wallow forever. Indulge a bit - and then move on - you will be emotionally healthier if you do this than if you try to contain it for some absurd reason.
Humanism can't just be about being a good person. It also has to be about allowing everyone to be fully human. And that means - you are allowed to have the full range of human emotions. I mean for effs sake - if something horrible happened - how else are you supposed to feel - but horrible. You can survive these emotions. Just - feel them. It's ok if you do and you will be ok if you do. These emotions are part of the human tool kit for a reason.
And if you are feeling them and feeling overwhelmed - seek out the help of a counselor. They have learned all sorts of tips and tricks to help you cope. The biggest mistake I've made in my life is not seeking the help of mental health professionals when I needed it because I thought - others had it worse than me so I should be able to cope on my own. Nope - there are things that can happen that are so bad - that we all need help to cope with them when they happen. That's part of the human experience too - sharing each other's loads. So - seek help if you need it. You will be glad you did.
Good luck.
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