Sexuality, Freedom and Choices

I've never been interested in sex and relationships. I didn't even think about sex until I was 21, I'm 23 now, but people and the beliefs of society have caused me to doubt my ways. Sexual stuff has always caused me grief. How can I go back to the time where I was happy and didn't think about it?

It's hard to answer this question without understanding what the problem is. If you are asexual and wondering if there is something wrong with you - the answer is no - there isn't anything wrong. Different people have different libidos and for some people, sex is not a big deal at all and not something they seek out.

There is an old saying - 20% of the people are having 80% of the sex. Most of us aren't having sex and aren't obsessed with it.  We like it when it comes along but it's not an all-encompassing obsession as it seems to be for some people.

My advice, without understanding what exactly is causing you to doubt your ways, is this. When it comes to sexuality - what is right for you is right for you.  Comparing yourself to others is not a path to happiness.

The American Humanist Association's sexual bill of rights states - our goal is "to enhance the quality of sexuality be emphasizing its contributions to a significant life" going on to state that "human beings should have the right to express their sexual desires and enter into relationships as they see fit." Inherent in this right is to reject forms of sexuality and relationships that aren't right for you. Because this is about how YOU feel about it.

Everyone is different. What we want is different. What we expect out of relationships is different. If you want to be celibate because that is right for you - do it. I used to work with a guy who was celibate and he was very happy.  It's an unusual choice - but it's a valid choice and the only person who had the right to make that choice was him. That's what personal sexual freedom is about! It's your choice! You can engage in sex or you can abstain. That's your choice. Only you can make it. People who don't like your choice and your preferences - that's their problem. Don't let anyone pressure you into something you aren't comfortable with.

Don't let anyone tell you, you are a prude because you aren't obsessing about sex the way they are. There isn't anything wrong with them and there isn't anything wrong with you. We are all different and we are all going to express our sexuality differently. We should not be ashamed of those differences.

If none of this advice works and you are still experiencing anxiety about it - go seek out the help of a therapist who may be able to help you get to the bottom of whatever is bothering you. Good luck.

First answered on Quora:

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