Want to know what motivates someone - learn what they are afraid of.
Dealing with a difficult interpersonal issue? Have no clue why someone is behaving the way they are? Are they crazy? Perhaps. But it’s more likely that they are just scared.
Consider how you behave when you are afraid of something? Are you at your most rational best when you are afraid? Of course not. To people who don’t share your fear, you seem a bit crazy.
So the next time you find yourself wondering why someone is behaving the way they do, find out what they are afraid of. Not to use that to manipulate them. But in a compassionate way so you can understand them and help them and by helping them, help yourself.
You may just find that the more you practice compassion towards others, considering their fears as the reasons for their motivations, the more you understand how your fears impact your own behavior.
When you can see your own fears more clearly, they impact you less and you are influenced by them less. Humanism is a personal practice. Compassion for others is a personal practice. Yes, you are considering others compassionately, but by doing so, you often find more compassion for yourself.