Relationship Advice for the Wierdos Among Us

I was asked by a reader for romantic advice for those of us who are a bit odd. In this case, he has Asperger’s and while he got through college and got a job, his romantic life is not the greatest.

While I have not previously written anything specific for finding love for “odd” people, I do know several “odd” people with Asperger’s and they have all eventually found love. My impression is that, assuming the symptoms aren’t too severe, people with Asperger’s have pretty much the same problems as everyone else does when it comes to finding love.

I look at it as a numbers game. Eventually I’m going to meet someone who is ok with me being me. It took me into my mid 30s to find the guy who was right for me.  Up until that time I kept wondering whether the problem was with me. My mom even apologized to me telling me that by helping me to grow into a strong independent woman, she had inadvertently severely limited the number of men who be able to handle being in a relationship with me.  The good news is that, after a lot of trial and error, I did eventually find the right guy for me.

The best advice I have for people who are a bit odd and whose romantic choices are limited as a result is: be yourself.  If you try to fake who you are to please someone, you delay finding out if they can handle the real you or not. That’s wasted time.  Time spent with someone who isn’t right is time not spent finding the person who is.

Plus, you may be driving away the very people who would actually like you for you when you pretend to be something or someone you are not.

The world is a very big place. There are a lot of people in it. Finding someone compatible with you – who you like and who likes you back is difficult. There is a reason why so many cultures “arrange” marriages.

Don’t take people not being right for you personally. If they reject you because you aren’t right for them, great, you’ve just whittled down your pool of prospective partners by one. If you are doing ok at work, it means you are doing ok. Eventually and with a little luck, you will find someone who fits with you and who gets you and who you like too. Until then, tend to your social needs by cultivating a good group of friends and keep yourself open to the possibilities that present themselves.

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