Happiness Through Humanism

How being less wrong is actually right

2012-01-27T11:45:00.000-08:00

Our earth is not exactly a sphere
photo: NASA

I was teaching a class on critical thinking yesterday and the discussion afterwards was great. As I was driving home though, I started to think about the basic problem of figuring out what is true and what is false: which is the point of critical thinking after all. And I think this is what trips up a lot of people. Most people just want to know what is true and what isn’t. And they get frustrated when scientists say – we figured it out this time, only to learn a few years later, that they really hadn’t gotten it right at all.

And this reminded me of an essay by Isaac Asimov titled “The Relativity of Wrong.” You see, a scientific mindset is actually just judging theories as right or wrong on a sliding scale. The question a scientist is asking isn’t, are we absolutely right? The question they are asking is, are we less wrong then we were before?

The example Asimov gives is how our knowledge of the earth has evolved as we have learned more and more. At first people thought the earth was flat – and even though they were wrong, it didn’t really impact anyone because for all intents and purposes, it is, from a single person living on the surface of the earth’s perspective. Then we realized it was a sphere (which isn’t entirely correct either but it is clearly less wrong than the previous view). Then people realized they got the size of the earth wrong and it is actually bigger than they had originally thought. Again, this is still wrong, but not as wrong as they had been before. And now we know that technically the earth isn’t even a sphere – it apparently has some bulges in the middle. So again, no scientist would say we have it figured out now for sure, all they are doing is making our understanding of the planet we live on less wrong which makes us more right than we were before.

Why does this matter? Well, because, when it comes to solving problems it is important to accept that your knowledge is never going to be perfect and that you need to figure out a solution to your problem anyway. At some point, you need to act and do the best you can. To quote Thoreau “The only obligation which I have a right to assume is to do at any time what I think is right.”

Getting Rid of Clutter

2012-01-16T08:52:00.000-08:00

Image: Bill Longshaw / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My friend Cranky Humanist asked for tips and tricks on how to get her disobedient brain to give up it's clutter inducing attachment to sentimental objects. I said - just throw them away, your brain will get over it. She said yeah - but misbehaving brains can be really persuasive. And they can.

But once you get in the habit of letting things go, you realize how liberating it is to get rid of stuff. The fear we all have is that you will lose or forget something that is important to you when you get rid of stuff. It's an unfounded fear. If something is important to you, you will remember it with or without the object that represents the memory. Plus, if you are being honest with yourself, it's not like you ever go through your piles of junk and clutter anyway except when you get in cleaning mode, so it's not like you are going to remember to find it to trigger the memory in the first place except by accident.

Look - at the end of the day - it's just stuff. You don't need stuff for your memories and letting go of your excess stuff is incredibly liberating. And if you are afraid that you might need it at some point in the future, well, then if and when that happens, go out and buy another one. Then you will have the pleasure of using something new that reminds you of thing you gave away. So double plus good.

Anyway - with all this discussing of getting rid of clutter, I was reminded of one of my favorite stories by a group called Celestial Navigations. Try not to be bothered by the fact they are scientologists - it's still a cool story called - The Valley and it's about getting rid of stuff and every time I am tempted to hang on to something for sentimental reasons, I think about this song and remind myself, I will be OK if I let it go.. Enjoy.

Life Isn’t Fair

2012-01-05T10:32:00.000-08:00

My son was diagnosed with childhood absence seizures yesterday. This has several implications for him, one of them being that he is going to have to take medicine every day for several years, and possibly for the rest of his life. He is really pretty upset about it. Not the seizures, because he isn’t even aware they happen. But like any 6 year old, he REALLY doesn’t like the idea of taking medicine and at the moment, that’s what he’s most upset about.

And, he’s in a bit of a state of grief about it. He’s trying to deny he has a problem. He’s trying to find another way around having to take the medicine. He’s trying to bargain. He wishes I hadn’t taken him to see the doctor. None of these strategies are going to work. As his mom, I know, this is just one of those things he is going to have to accept.

Which brings me to today’s topic. Life isn’t fair. I agree with my son. Ideally, he and I and his father shouldn’t have to deal with this. But we do. And the sooner he and we accept that reality, the sooner we can start coping with it. Is the coping going to be easy? No; of course not. But we don’t have a choice. This isn’t something that can be just wished away or ignored.

Accepting reality, as unpleasant as it can sometimes be, is important if you are going to cope with anything successfully.

Image: graur razvan ionut / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

No Group Corners the Market in Stupidity

2011-12-09T08:16:00.001-08:00

There are stupid people in every group. It is not ok to judge an entire group of people based on the actions and thoughts of their stupidest member. So, do not judge all Christians on what the worst Christians do. Do not judge all Muslims on what the worst Muslims do. Do not just all Atheists on what the worst Atheists do. Do not judge all men on what the worst men do. Do not judge all women on what the worst women do. Do not judge all blacks based on what the worst blacks do. And do not judge all whites based on what the worst whites do.

No group corners the market in stupidity. Your job in life is to not be among the stupidest humans in whatever arbitrary social grouping you align yourself with. And the best way to ensure that you aren’t one of the stupidest people in your group is to not be a bigot. Treat people like the individuals they are. Accept that all groups have stupid people and wonderful people. Don’t generalize the behavior of the idiots onto the entire group. It is best to treat the people you meet as the potentially wonderful people they are until or unless they prove to you that they are stupid.

That’s what it means to respect the dignity and worth of every human.

Ask 3 Times

2011-11-28T06:45:00.000-08:00

Was reading a story about forgiveness from my friend Abdulla. In his story, he referenced the Jewish tradition contained in the Shulchan Aruch, which is basically the code of Jewish Law. From what I’ve read, Jewish ideas about forgiveness are in line with how I view forgiveness as a Humanist.

Specifically, if you do harm to someone, you must seek forgiveness from that person. God cannot forgive you for a harm you have done to a fellow human. Only the harmed person can forgive you. Amen to that. The only way to restore your relationship with the person you harmed is to seek their forgiveness.

Here’s where it gets really good. If someone genuinely seeks your forgiveness, according to Jewish law, you must not withhold it. This is important because, forgiving someone means letting go of the hurt. It doesn’t excuse the hurt or harm, it just means you aren’t going to dwell on it anymore and you and the person who hurt you can move forward with your lives.

Here’s what I think is the best part. If you genuinely seek forgiveness from someone but are refused three times you may consider your duty done, and you may forgive yourself. In other words don’t spend the rest of your life feeling guilty. If you genuinely tried to make amends but were refused, you have done all that you can and you have the right to move on with your life and to put the episode behind you even if the person you harmed does not.

I'm too lazy to cheat

2011-11-01T10:33:00.000-07:00

Was discussing teaching ethics to kids today on Whole Living with Terri Trescpicio - which is a Martha Stewart Radio program (and yes, I did just gratuitously name drop). Anyway, one of the topics was cheating, why not cheat? My answer is that I don't cheat because I am too lazy to cheat.

I realize that might seem counter intuitive, but seriously, that's my reason. First, the only person you really hurt by cheating in school is yourself. Your teachers don't really care and are not hurt by it. Your parents aren't hurt, though they may be disappointed in you. It really does turn out that the only person affected by your cheating is you.

Ok - so why isn't it a good idea to cheat if the only person affected is you? Well, let me tell you a little story. I was a level 1 student in high school. One time I had to make up a test I had missed during the level 3 class. I was shocked. Those kids put more effort into cheating than I put into studying. So, right off the bat, the lazy person inside me was wondering why they were willing to work so hard to cheat, but not willing to work less hard to just, you know, study. Because, the lazy route to good grades, really is studying.

The 2nd thing that struck me was that for all the time and energy they put in, which was again, was significantly more than it would take to just read the friggin book, it didn't actually help them get better grades. Their grades, with the cheating, were still crappy, which is why they were still in level 3.

Rationally, what they were doing doesn't make any sense. They were working harder for bad results. They could have worked less hard and gotten better results just by deciding to learn the material instead of trying to cheat. So, not only did they not learn the material, they worked harder to not learn the material and their grades were still crappy. The mind boggles.

When you think about whether to cheat or not, take the lazy route and just read the darned book.

Make it your responsibility

2011-10-27T10:51:00.001-07:00

I wanted to share this video today because it has to do with responsibility. In it, you will see adults ignore a child's pleas for help. It's rather upsetting.

The problem is a well known phenomenon that occurs in groups, which is that the larger the group, the harder it is to get help because responsibility is so diffuse, no one is responsible. The good news is that this phenomenon is easy to overcome. All it takes is for one person to stop and take responsibility to cause a cascade effect. Once people know someone is taking responsibility - they feel more comfortable stopping to help as well.

Obviously, most people would like to think they are the sort of person that if the situation called for it that they would be that one person who steps up, but the reality is, most aren't. The problem is though, that if we don't step up, we are part of the problem of what's wrong with society.

Here's how to ensure you aren't part of the problem. MAKE IT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY! This is something you have to choose for yourself as a matter of principle. If you haven't already decided that if a situation arose where you weren't sure if someone needed help or not that you were going to make it your responsibility to find out, decide that you will. You have to decide in advance that you are willing to be late and to be inconvenienced when you see someone who needs help. And then, the next time you see someone who might need help, make it your responsibility to find out if they do or not.

I made that decision for myself immediately after learning about the group effect back when I was a young adult. I decided I didn't want to be part of the problem, and that I would make it my responsibility to be that one person who stops to help. I have helped several complete strangers over the course of my life and I know in at least one instance I helped to save someone's life by stopping to help, it's entirely possible I saved a couple of others, though I don't know for sure because I left after professional aid arrived.

I know what sort of person I am, I'm the sort that stops to help even if I'm not completely sure help is even needed. The question is: are you the sort of person who makes it their responsibility to help others, or not?

I've been saying this for years!

2011-10-18T07:05:00.000-07:00

What you think about others is more a reflection of who you are, then it is of the other people. If you view people you've never met positively, it means you are basically a positive person. If you view people you've never met as most likely jerks, it's because you are probably a jerk.

It's called projection and we all do it. We tend to project onto others our own issues and concerns. And it's important to understand this. That's why I wrote about it in my book about how the world doesn't revolve around you. When someone judges you unfairly it has very little to do with you and every thing to do with them. It isn't about you. It's about how they feel about the world and themselves. And that's not just folk wisdom, scientific research actually backs that up.

See: What you say about others says a lot about you : http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/08/100802165441.htm#.TpcmRlX_6M0.blogger

Also - thanks to Empathy Heals for first posting the story: http://www.empathyheals.com/2011/10/what-you-say-about-others-says-lot.html

20/80 Rule

2011-10-15T16:01:00.000-07:00

The Atlantic published yet another very long essay from yet another woman who is unhappy with her relationships status. This time it was from Kate Bolick who wrote about the dismal prospects for single ladies these days. The ability to marry up is just not there for most single women, so, they either need to choose to remain single or, gasp, marry down. But wait, it gets worse, apparently the fact that the eligible men (read wealthy) can have their pick of women means that eligible men have become commitment phobes.

One of the experts she interviewed was Susan Walsh - of Hooking Up Smart. According to Ms. Walsh on college campuses, 20% of the men are having 80% of the sex with about 20% of the women. The problem is that this gives everyone who isn't participating in the "hook up" culture the impression that this is just the way it is these days. It seems like no one wants to date or be in relationships anymore. But just the opposite is true. According to Cosmo, 73% of women would like to, you know, date. (read the statistics on one page - very enlightening)

So, if you are lamenting the fact that there doesn't seem to be anyone interested in dating and being in a relationship anymore, stop focusing your attention on the 20% of men and women who aren't interesting in dating and relationships (ie; the hook uppers). Focus on the other 80% who aren't participating in the hook up scene. As Ms. Walsh says, consider approach the shy guy or gal in the corner. You may just have better success. I know this strategy always worked for me.

Also, don't feel pressured to hook up if that doesn't feel right to you. It is right for some, but not for all. It's ok if it isn't for you. Respect yourself enough to know if it isn't and don't get sucked into the belief that this is the only way to find someone. It isn't. And again, if you stop focusing on "the popular" kids, you may just find that the rest of your school contains some pretty amazing people that will be worth your time to get to know. And for goodness sakes, read all the advice on Hooking Up Smart - she knows her stuff.

PS: This is very consistent with the advice I give in my book.

Why Is Humanism still an underground philosophy?

2011-10-02T09:17:00.000-07:00

Joyce Carol Oats is
a Humanist

Back in 2007 the author Joyce Carol Oates received the Humanist of the Year award from the American Humanist Association. In her acceptance speech she asked a very important question, "Why, instead, is humanism not the preeminent belief of humankind? Why don't humans place their faith in reason and in the strategies of skepticism and doubt, and refuse to concede to "traditional" customs, religious convictions, and superstitions?"

I've been wanting to answer that question for years now. Part of the answer is that obviously, some people are believers and some people aren't. But even among the non-believers, Humanism isn't well known and is certainly not ubiquitous.

It seems to me that the main reason Humanism isn't the preeminent belief of human kind is because we Humanists haven't really bothered to tell anyone about it. Perhaps if we did, people would know that Humanism is choice. Yes, I know, there are Humanists group out there working hard at getting the message out. That's not what I am talking about. I'm talking about Humanists being open about the fact that this is the philosophy that is driving them.

Most people I talk to have never heard of it before despite the fact that some of the most influential people in the world are Humanists. Why is that? Well, because it didn't come up that often. How many reporters interviewed Einstein? A gazillion probably. How many knew that a big part of who he was was that he was a Humanist? Nearly none.

I'm not blaming Einstein for not touting his Humanism more strongly. Humanism is a personal choice and not something we would ever try to force on others. I'm the same way. But we do need to do a better job of talking about and sharing our philosophy with others. Because Ms. Oates is correct, there is no reason why Humanism shouldn't be the preeminent belief of human kind. Our values certainly are.

Change the world or just how you approach it

2011-09-27T09:37:00.000-07:00

I was reading John Rosemond's column today (http://www.rosemond.com/johns-columns/correct-parental-thinking/) and I was struck immediately that he talked about Humanism. Granted, he did so in a negative way. He was talking about a quote from Norman Vincent Peale, "Change your thinking, and you change your world." And he rightly pointed out that, well, that's impossible. It's magical thinking. And then, he accused Humanists of engaging in just such magic thinking by saying, " A change of thinking doesn’t change THE world, and I’m reasonably certain that he (Peale) wasn’t a humanist, so he really didn’t believe in the idea that each of us constructs our own, equally valid, reality. "

As a Humanist, I just want to say that I don't think any Humanist thinks we construct our own equally valid reality. We don't. Reality is external to us. How we perceive reality though, is something we do seem to control. And in this matter, I think I agree with Rosemond when he rewrites the Peale quote to say, "If you change your thinking, your entire worldview changes.”

And yes, a change in worldview can be an incredibly powerful thing. For instance if you believe you can choose your actions, you will actively choose your actions. If you don't, you won't. For a Humanist this is central because, while we know we can't magically wish our way out of problems, we do believe we can do something constructive to solve our problems by making better decisions through rational thinking and by taking constructive action.

Here is the Humanist perspective on this matter. If you want to change your reality, just thinking differently isn't enough. You have to actually act differently too if you expect to create different outcomes for yourself.

Don't Label Me Dude

2011-09-21T08:25:00.000-07:00

One of the things I like about Humanism is that it encourages us to respect every person we meet as the individuals they are. Which to me means don't assume you know who a person is just because of some assumed affiliation you think they hold. When you do that you generalize. And besides, we all know what happens when we make assumptions. We not only make an ass out of ourselves, we are usually wrong.

I bring this up because on Google+ I was just accused by a guy I don't know of equating Humanism with Atheism. For those of you who know me and have read my book, seen my videos or heard me talk, you know that is something I have NEVER done. In fact, I've written pretty extensively on the fact they aren't the same thing. He just assumed that because I am a vocal Humanist that I equate Humanism with Atheism. As it turns out he has just published a book on Humanism, considers himself a Humanist, and feels like I do about the atheism issue. I am not going to link to his website though because the guy made such an annoying first impression on me by assuming I think things I clearly don't.

The point is that you should never assume to know what someone else thinks. And, if you claim to be a Humanist, you should probably:

A) Try applying your Humanist values of respecting the fact that people are in fact individuals to the people you actually meet. In other words, don't label them dude.

B) Get your facts straight. This guy didn't bother to find out if what he thought was even true. Which means he didn't bother to challenge his own assumptions which led him to make an ass out of himself when it turned out his rather angry and snarky comments to me were unfounded.

C) Don't assume you disagree with someone you've never met. Find out if you do first. And most of all, allow people to surprise you with just how wonderful they really are.

Beauty of a Post

2011-09-14T10:01:00.000-07:00

Time Lapse Photo by Lincoln Harrison

I wanted to share a post from The Humble Humanist - It's called Beauty Day Eh

It is about beauty, happiness and Humanism. Specifically how beauty can be transforming. He says,

"The experience of Beauty can provoke powerful responses. When we encounter something truly Beautiful the intellectual and emotional effect can be life altering. A painting, sunrise or 5 star meal might open our imaginations to possibilities we've never considered...a career path, a spiritual awakening, or the creation of something unique and Beautiful."

He concludes by saying,

"Our best interests are served by creating, propagating and promoting Beauty throughout the world. Beauty is a vehicle for creating Happiness and affirming what is best in human nature...and that affirmation is a bedrock principle of Humanism."

And I think that is a beautiful thing to say.

A Little Bit Crazy

2011-09-06T12:00:00.000-07:00

My son is really into the History channel. The other day he watched a special on the Great Wall of China. I, of course, watched it with him. Here’s what I learned. Emperor Chin, who built the wall, was basically bat sh*t crazy. We’re talking completely divorced from reality. He fired most of his advisors and replaced them with soothsayers. He had the wall built because he had a dream that told him to. And yes, he drained the treasury and caused a lot of people to die in his pursuit of his dream. No wonder the Chinese thought the wall symbolized only tyranny and death.

It was westerners who first looked at the wall and thought, wow - that’s an amazingly great wall! And, having been at the wall (both the reconstructed and unreconstructed areas) I have to say, it’s pretty amazing. Because the Chinese are pretty smart folks and they do like the money tourism brings in, they’ve decided to embrace the “Great Wall” mythology. But, to them, it still probably represents tyranny, death and what happens when you have a crazy dictator.

But, that’s not my point today. My point is that sometimes, you need to be a little bit crazy to do amazing things. Because great things often require the person doing them to not understand that things just can't be done or don't need to be done or won't be effective even if you do them, as was the case with the Great Wall.

Of course, if you do decide to be a little bit crazy to follow your dreams, try not to be a tyrannical dictator about it. People don’t like that.

Putting Compassion Into Action in Africa

2011-09-03T08:42:00.000-07:00

Somali Grandmother and child
recovering at an aid camp in Ethiopia

This past week, USAID asked Foundation Beyond Belief if it could help raise awareness within the non-theist community about the ongoing drought and famine that is occurring within the Horn of Africa. According to USAID this is the most severe drought in 60 yrs and the UN has made a formal declaration of famine for Southern Somalia, the only such declaration made in the past 20 years. In other words, what’s going on there is bad. Really really bad.

Why should you care? Well, if you read my blog it is either because you are a Humanist or Humanistically inclined. And that means that if you think of yourself as a compassionate and ethical person. And if you are, then you should understand that this is a situation that calls out for us to be compassionate. It is estimated that already over 10,000 people have died with another 11 million at risk of death by starvation. Many have fled to neighboring countries to find food.

I know what you are thinking. Sure I care, but what can I do? Well, you can put your compassion into action, as that is the hallmark of what it means to be a Humanist. We believe that we not only can do something to make a difference but that we have a moral responsibility to do so. In this case, you can donate some money to help with the relief effort.

USAID, as it is a government agency, does not accept donations directly from the public as they are funded by our tax dollars. Instead, donate to Foundation Beyond Belief to their crisis response page: http://foundationbeyondbelief.org/crisis They have chosen the International Rescue Committee, which is working in Somoalia

If you would like to make a direct donation you can choose from one of the charities doing relief work in the Horn of Africa. Here is a list: http://www.interaction.org/crisis-list/interaction-members-respond-drought-crisis-horn-africa

Put your compassion into action and make a donation to Foundation Beyond Belief's Humanist Crisis Response. Whatever you can afford. You may just save a life and isn’t that worth it? And, double plus good, you will have shown USAID that the non-theist community is just as generous at responding to people in need as our religious counterparts are. So make your donation today!

There but for fortune

2011-08-30T07:36:00.000-07:00

I woke up with this song in my head this morning. It’s my fault. I was watching a Phil Ochs documentary last night. And if you don’t know who he was, you owe it to yourself to find out and acquaint yourself with his music.

He was a folk singer in the traditional sense, meaning, his music was about politics and about people and about suffering with a call to fix what ails us. He was a true believer and his music reflects that.

This song in particular is not just haunting and beautifully sung (and covered by Joan Baez), but it’s also a song that reminds us to be compassionate. We are called to be compassionate not just for the guy sitting in jail, not just for the hobo, and not just for the drunk stumbling out the door, but for the countries currently at war. Always remember, there but for fortune, goes you or I.

Animalism or humanism

2011-08-26T07:45:00.000-07:00

To be brutish or good.
That is the question.

Found this post on the Pakistan Observer website. (See: Animalism or humanism) It annoys me. Only a religious person could turn Humanism into a false dichotomy between acting civilized and acting like an animal. Being a Humanist does not mean thinking we are the pinnacle of creation as this writer claims. That is a religious idea, not a Humanist one. The Humanist does not deify humans. We simply strive to be the best human we can be.

Humanists know we are animals. We are human animals. And so there is no conflict between us choosing to be human or choosing to be animal. We are both. I realize this guy was just trying to extol people to be good people instead of brutish. The point is that we can be both wonderful and/or brutish. That is our nature as Humans.

I don't think that believing we are the pinnacle of god's creation is going to help us control our brutish impulses. Quite the opposite actually. It is when people believe they can do no wrong because they are the pinnacle of god's creation, that they feel most justified in giving free rein to their most brutish impulses instead of trying to control them.

We do not need to think of ourselves as the pinnacle of creation to choose to be good. We simply need to choose to be good despite the fact our animal tendencies, in addition to encouraging us towards compassion, can also encourage us towards brutishness. Denying those brutish impulses doesn't help us control them.

Fools Rush In

2011-08-25T07:52:00.000-07:00

Don't rush to judgement when angry

I was reminded this week of just how important it is to not act on your emotions without first getting more information to find out if your emotions are even valid.

My son just started kindergarten. He went to the same school for pre-kindergarten and loves the place. So imagine my surprise when after the first day of school he was crying about how he doesn’t want to go back. The momma bear in me threatened to come out. What was his teacher doing to make it such a miserable experience for him and how dare she do that! He got three time outs on his first day. He’s basically a good boy and never had any discipline issues last year. Something was wrong.

The rational side of me was thinking, well, my son doesn’t listen very well and the teacher does need to be strong on discipline at the start to get the kids under control so she can teach. I mean, she is the only teacher in a room with 18 five year olds. It’s hard work. So, I told my son to do his best to behave and to give it some time. His teacher might grow on him. In the back of my mind though, I was wondering if he just got a bad teacher and whether I would have to intervene. Maybe she just doesn’t like my son and is picking on him.

And then, yesterday she called me. My son is ambidextrous and she wanted to know if she had my permission to put a mark on his right hand to remind him to use that hand when writing. His teacher seems very nice, funny and with a good sense of humor. She said that he was doing fine. Yes, she had given him a few time outs, but not because he had done anything bad. He was just being a normal 5 yr old boy who is excited to be at school around all those other kids. She just needs the kids to settle down and understand the rules so the class can run smoothly. And yes, almost all the kids have gotten time outs.

Relief! My inner momma bear, who had been worried about her cub and was considering drastic action to protect him from his mean teacher, was able to retreat to her den. Reason triumphed and I was once again reminded how important it is to act on my reason and not on my emotions. And most importantly, not to rush to judgement.

The Practical Humanist: "Live in joy, in love, even among those who hate."...

2011-08-22T05:47:00.000-07:00

Today I'd like to share a post from my friend the Practical Humanist.

My favorite part:

"Living in love does not mean living without anger or hurt or frustration. Living in love entails shaping and working these natural feelings into a force for positive motivation and change in my own life."

Well said and very moving.

The Practical Humanist: "Live in joy, in love, even among those who hate."...: "Live in joy, in love, even among those who hate." from Dhammapada , Teachings of the Buddha. In a world of Facebook pages and Web-page ...

It’s Practical

2011-08-19T13:41:00.000-07:00

Had a cool experience today. Dropped my son off at his day care and the woman who was filling in for the proprietor asked me how my summer had been and so we started talking about how I had wanted to promote my book to parents of teens but hadn’t had the chance because, well, I’m the parent of a 5 yr old on summer vacation and I just haven’t had the time to do any work of any significance. Anyway, this led to us talking about my book. She wanted to buy a copy and asked me to bring one with me when I picked up my son because she is a grandma with pre-teen grandkids and this sounded like a perfect book to read and discuss with them and for herself as well.

When I dropped it off, we talked some more and here’s when the cool thing happened. She was joking about how she is a Christian but still thought the book sounded good. I assured her there wasn’t anything in it about religion, just practical stuff as that is what Humanism focuses on, practical stuff not religious stuff. And she said, “Exactly! That’s why I want the book. It’s practical!”

And here’s why I think that’s so cool. Anyone can benefit from Humanism! And most people want to, even knowing that it is a non-religious approach to morality, they still want it precisely because, it’s practical, straightforward and it makes sense.

A Strange Wonderful Thing

2011-08-17T08:01:00.000-07:00

It may come as a surprise to find that my book about The Humanist Approach to Happiness wasn’t actually written for Humanists. Crazy talk, I know. But I wrote it to help teach non-Humanists the tools we Humanists use to live a happy and productive life, because, really, we do have a good approach.

Anyway, one of the most common experiences I have when talking to non-Humanists about Humanism is that they get really excited and want to know all about it. Happens all the times in my interviews. In fact, just last week I was supposed to talk about how Humanism impacts parenting on The Way of the Toddler Hour. Instead, Lori wanted to know all about Humanism. Which is cool. Super cool actually. We never did talk about parenting.

The same thing happened this week on Spirituality Raw. I do encourage you to listen to these interviews, because they represent something important to those of us who are Humanists. And that is that people are REALLY interested and excited to learn about the philosophy. We should be working hard to tell people about it.

As my friend Swami Worldtraveler related to me, the general response we get when talking about our philosophy is “What is this strange wonderful thing ‘Humanism’ of which you speak?” People really do want to know.

And if you do, you should get my new ebook - Jen Hancock’s Handy Humanism Handbook. I’m giving it away free to people who sign up for my mailing list. (*smile*)

You Know What Matters

2011-08-02T16:00:00.000-07:00

My friend Steve Gibson over at Truth Driven Thinking posted a wonderful article today On Becoming a De-Motivational Speaker. It's a great essay and I encourage everyone to read it. The point is that while we are all so busy motivating ourselves to do more, we are often forgetting that what makes life worth living is our relationships that matter.

As he says so eloquently, you already know what matters.To quote Steve:

"I am convinced that the greatest meaning we can derive from life would not exist but for our relationships with each other. And for that we don’t need more things, motivation, achievements, or distractions from life; we need fewer! We need to experience life. Honestly, is our behavior and “motivational” mindset teaching and affirming what we value most? Our connectedness? Our social time in the village? Or do we favor emails, toys we don’t have time to use, cottages that sit empty, and more keys and responsibility to more locks and obligations than we could ever possibly use?"

This isnt' to say he is anti-motivation. He's simply advocating that we treat ambition for what it is.

"Perhaps like many sides of our human nature, ambition is an evolved trait—like egoism; self-centeredness; self-confidence; in-group, tribal bias; or being horny—which can present both a beneficial side, and a darker one. Maybe it is a trait that must be tamed and transcended in order for us to truly be all that we can be as people who are complete, whole, rounded, centered, loving, feeling, compassionate, alive, and fulfilled in our potential in the truest sense—not just the conventional and social sense."

Again, it's a great essay and I highly recommend that you read it. If the above link for some reason didn't work, you can also view it at his old blog: http://wp.me/puZtC-bW Also, Steve has a book out - A Secret of the Universe: A Story of Love, Loss, and the Discovery of an Eternal Truth. I recommend you check that out as well.

Finding Meaning in Your Insignifigance

2011-07-13T07:53:00.000-07:00

This past week I was on a show called "Spirituality Raw." It was fun. I was on after a woman who thought her dog had been possessed and before a guy who thinks he's the re-incarnation of the Apostle Paul. I actually enjoyed his segment.

Anyway ... I mostly talked about the importance of reality based decision making. The response to my segment was that almost everyone emailed in to tell the hosts about the challenges they face in life. Which got me thinking. I think one of the reasons people gravitate towards woo (supernaturalism), is because they are afraid. They are afraid of a variety of things. But one of the biggies is they are afraid they are insignificant. So they choose to believe in a fairy tale of their choosing in which they are not insignificant.

And that bothers me, because it turns out that embracing your insignificance is the key to finding meaning. Seriously, it is. When you realize the true vastness of the universe, you begin to realize how completely insignificant you are and how presumptuous it is to claim that you matter in the vastness of it all. And instead of that making you feel small and insignificant, it turns out that when you embrace this reality, you begin to realize how amazing it is you exist at all. And you realize how special you are. After all, there is no one exactly like you, even if you have an identical twin.

In other words, by embracing a fantasy that you matter, you prevent yourself from truly grasping just how special you are. And that's a shame.

So, to help you along on your journey towards insignificance, here is a little video from a children's show called "The Animaniacs." The relevant lyrics: "It's a great big universe and we're all really puny, we're just tiny little specs about the size of Mickey Rooney."

Humanists: Don’t be afraid to seek happiness

2011-07-09T06:31:00.000-07:00

For those of you who are unaware, I write a freelance column for the Bradenton Herald on Humanism. There are 4 preachers, a rabbi and me who basically share a column. And yes, that does sound like the beginning of a great joke.

Today's column is about seeking happiness. Please share, comment on (at the Bradenton Herald site) and let other people know about it. I'm hoping to syndicate the column eventually.

Thanks

Humanists: Don’t be afraid to seek happiness - Faith - BradentonHerald.com

Questing For Knowledge

2011-07-07T13:44:00.000-07:00

We Humanists know that good moral reasoning requires accurate knowledge of the problems we are attempting to solve. Yet, despite our best efforts, our knowledge will always be lacking. Our knowledge of the universe will probably never be complete. Our knowledge of human nature will also probably never be complete. But that doesn’t matter. To live productively we must learn how to balance our quest for knowledge against the needs of the present. Which is why one of my favorite quotes is:

”The only obligation which I have a right to assume is to do at any time what I think right.” - Henry David Thoreau.

The quest for knowledge is not only fun, it’s necessary to good moral reasoning. But at some point you have to decide to do the best you can with the knowledge you have at your disposal now. Because if you chose to wait until your knowledge is complete, you will be waiting a very long time and may just find that you will have wasted the present.

What’s Wrong With These People?

2011-06-29T16:23:00.000-07:00

I’m rather upset about the extreme negative response some people have had to the gay marriage vote in NY. The anger and violence directed towards gays doesn’t make any sense to me. I get that some people have religious objections to gay marriage, but I don’t understand why anyone would care enough to react with violence. I mean seriously, what does it matter who people want to have sex with? Unless they want to have sex with you, you aren’t even involved.

When I see scenes of violence against gays, and gays receiving death threats, I am forced to ask, what the heck is wrong with these people? Don’t they have anything better to do? Don’t they have a life? Are there really that many people struggling with latent homosexual desires? I just don’t get it.

So to those of you who are so scared of gays that you are lashing out in violence against them: get a life already. Gays are humans. Not some alien race trying to take over our planet. If the idea of homosexuality disgusts you, that’s fine. There’s a rational way to deal with your disgust. Ignore them. They probably don’t want to have sex with you anyway.

Morality 1: Good without gods

2011-06-26T04:35:00.000-07:00

For those of you interesting in viewing one of the best explanations of how Humanists approach the very important subject of morality - how we feel about it and why we take the approach we do - watch this video. It's excellent.

2011-06-19T12:09:00.000-07:00

I’ve been re-reading Some Reflections on Ethics by my friend Ramendra Nath. His chapter on Epicurus is particularly interesting because of it’s discussion of pleasure and happiness.

Happiness, according to Epicurus is found “not so much in positive pleasure as in freedom from pain, and a calm and contented mind.”

Contrary to popular belief, Epicurus didn’t advocate pleasure as the sole goal of life. He was advocating using reason to help make our whole lives happy. To this end, he advocated a simple set of principles, which we can use to guide our decisions to help us lead a happy and contented life.

According to Ramendra, here is Epicurus’ recipe for happiness:

· Pleasure which produces no pain is to be embraced.
· Pain which produces no pleasure is to be avoided.
· Pleasure which prevents a greater pleasure, or produces greater pain is to be avoided.
· Pain which averts a greater pain or secures a greater pleasure is to be endured.

Yup, I think that about covers it.

The Zen of Happiness

2011-06-17T12:41:00.000-07:00

What is the sound of one hand clapping? I have no idea. But I do know that you don’t achieve happiness by seeking happiness. You achieve happiness almost in hindsight, after the fact. It is when you are doing and being that you are content and happy. And you can only realize this upon reflection. So don’t worry so much about being happy. Focus on doing and being. Be the best human you can be. Do things that help yourself and help others. Be nice. Be compassionate. Do your best to help make the world just a tad bit easier for the people you meet in life. Find hobbies and projects that help you calm your mind. Produce something of beauty and share it. And finally, volunteer to help someone in need.

Living an ethical life of personal fulfillment that aspires to the greater good of humanity truly is the best way to become happy. In my humble opinion.

Humanism in America

2011-06-06T19:15:00.000-07:00

Map of Humanist Groups Across America by Jen Hancock

So I've been doing a little research using MapInfo.I'm a bit rusty. But basically, I was trying to figure out where the Humanist groups are for a writing project I'm working on. I decided it might be fun to map the groups.Yes, I am a geek. Anyhoo - I made this map. It shows all the Humanist groups (blue diamonds), the Student groups (light blue squares), Center for Inquiry groups (yellow diamonds), American Ethical Union groups (purple-ish diamonds) and the Secular Jewish Humanist groups (green triangles).

It's an interesting map and rather pretty if I don't say so myself. Thinking about converting to a raster image at some point, but I realized that's a bit geeky and really, wasn't necessary for the research I was doing.(sigh). Work first.

Anyway - feel free to share - just make sure you credit me as the creator of the map. Thanks!

Choice

2011-05-31T07:40:00.000-07:00

Which path would you choose?

Humanism is a philosophy of choice. It is a choice to decide to live your life ethically. It is a choice to decide that what really matters is how you behave towards others. It is a choice to respect others as the individuals they are instead of lumping people together into some sort of generic caricature. It is a choice to remain optimistic about the future, despite the problems of the present.

To effectively solve our problems we know that knowledge is better then ignorance so we choose to be educated. To make sure we aren’t missing some key piece of the puzzle we choose to practice Freethought. And because we know that, despite our best efforts, our own reasoning may be flawed we choose to be critical of our own thinking.

And finally, a Humanist chooses to put their reason and compassion into action. It is a choice to reject the status quo if the status quo involves suffering. It is a choice to make a commitment to yourself that when the situation calls for it, you will to do what needs to be done to end an injustice.

People are not born Humanists, though they may be born to Humanists parents. To be a Humanist is to make a choice. And that choice is to be the best, most moral human being you can be. Not because you are expecting a reward or punishment as a result of your choice. But because being a good person is who you want and choose to be.

Why I am passionate about Humanism - Faith - BradentonHerald.com

2011-05-28T05:46:00.000-07:00

My column in today's paper - did you know I write a freelance column for the Bradenton Herald? Now you do!

Just to give you a hint - the reason I am so passionate about Humanism is because *shocker* I firmly believe it is better then the alternatives. Enjoy.

Why I am passionate about Humanism - Faith - BradentonHerald.com

We need to do better

2011-05-25T07:53:00.000-07:00

I got an email from someone over the weekend who had heard me on Skepticality. Which is great. They were very excited to find out that they weren’t the only people who hold the Humanist philosophy and were even more excited to learn that there are Humanist groups all over the country, including where they live.

I bring this up because we Humanists need to do better. If active members of the skeptic movement who consider themselves to be Humanists aren’t aware of the existence of the Humanist movement then we Humanists simply aren’t doing a good enough job of spreading the word. We shouldn’t be assuming that our fellow Humanists, skeptics, freethinkers, Brights and Atheists know we exist or that we have, you know, groups and stuff. Because they don’t and won’t unless we tell them.

We also shouldn’t assume that people in these movements know whether or not they are Humanists. Again, if no one bothers to talk about the philosophy, we can’t expect people to know about it. We need to do better.

Rant over.

I Hate Hate

2011-05-18T08:13:00.000-07:00

I was reminded again yesterday that I hate hate. I hate everything about that emotion. I hate how it feels. I hate how it makes us want to act and I hate how it negatively impacts our society.

I hate that some people are so angry and hate filled that they indiscriminately kill other people. I even hate that the indiscriminate killing of other people makes me so angry I end up hating the people who kill. I hate the senselessness of the whole thing. I hate feeling hate.

I’ve written before about turning hate into compassion. (see: http://humanisthappiness.blogspot.com/2010/01/turning-hate-into-compassion.html) But what I want to say today, and what I teach my child when he is angry: is that it’s ok to feel the emotion. Just don’t act on it.

And I think that’s what I hate about hate the most. It’s an irrational emotion that is often overwhelming when we experience it. It robs us of our rationality. We have to fight to regain a sense of balance so that we can act rationally and with compassion despite our anger and frustration and yes, hate.

To me part of being a good person is understanding that I have a moral obligation to control my emotions so that I do not negatively impact myself or others. I hate that not everyone cares enough to even try to control their emotions and I especially hate that not everyone is even capable of that level of self-control. In short: I hate hate. Thanks. I really needed to get that off my chest.

Thou Shall Not Kill

2011-05-04T18:26:00.000-07:00

Obama and his team watch the raid live

This week, Osama Bin Laden was killed in a raid ordered by US President Barack Obama. Lots of people were happy about it. Some were angered by it and a whole lot of people had mixed emotions about it. I fell into the mixed emotions group.

The killing of Bin Laden represents what happens when our values come in conflict with one another. Humanists understand that all ethics and all moral value systems are situational. But that doesn't mean it's easy thinking through moral problems. It's hard sometimes.

Here's the moral dilemma that the killing of Bin Laden brought up. Is it OK to kill one person in order to save the lives of thousands? For Obama and his team, the answer is apparently yes because that's the decision that was made. Intellectually I agree, but killing is still killing and the thought of someone dying makes me sad. Even if that someone was Bin Laden. While I don't like feeling this way, I would rather feel sad about a death then ambivalent about it. People who aren't emotionally moved by death scare me.

Anyway, Bin Laden's death has also brought up those horrid emotions from Sept 11th and how I felt when I watched the towers collapse on television and saw people jumping to their deaths to avoid immolation. So even though a part of me is relieved that Bin Laden can't order peoples death's anymore. The other part of me is still mourning the tragedy of Sept 11, 2001 and wishing that the world didn't include such sorrow.

Compassion, not sanctions, is best response to workplace anger

2011-05-04T18:14:00.000-07:00

This is a cool study - something that is obvious, but not until it is pointed out to you. It turns out that responding to anger with compassion yields better results then if you blame the angry person for being angry without trying to figure out why they got mad in the first place.

Don't you just love science?

Compassion, not sanctions, is best response to workplace anger

Religious Humanism in America

2011-04-29T07:39:00.000-07:00

John Dietrich was an
early Humanist pioneer

Most people think of Humanism as being irreligious. So the idea that there would be a religious Humanism confuses a lot of people. But when Humanism was first being conceived of and spoken about in America, it was often thought of as an alternative to religion, one that was focused on human potential and not on god or anything supernatural.

Several Unitarian Universalist ministers were at the forefront of this movement and make no mistake, their Humanism, even though they used the term religious in conjunction with it was not theistic. They simply thought that the framework of religious practice had value and that you didn’t need to abandon that framework for considering morality just because you abandoned the concept of god.

Anyway, there is a great article about this by Rev. Tess Baumberger who is a UU minister up in Massachusetts. In addition to her article being very informative, she includes some quotes from the origninators of the religious humanism movement, many of whom were UU Ministers.

My favorite is by John Dietrich who apparently began using the word “humanism” in his preaching in 1916. Anyway, he said “If we live in a great impersonal universe with no friend to guide, it matters tremendously how we conduct ourselves, for we are actually the makers of human destiny.” He also said that ur responsibility “is to put beauty in place of ugliness, good in place of evil, laughter in place of tears; to dispel error with knowledge, hatred with love; displace strife and contention with peace and co-operation.”

Here is a link to her entire article: http://www.tauntongazette.com/religion/x1146475794/The-Rev-Tess-Baumberger-The-founding-of-American-Religious-Humanism

Don’t Hide Your Humanism

2011-04-20T19:25:00.000-07:00

I had a really great experience today that I want to share with you. I was at the local museum with my son and when I was answering his questions about rifling in cannons (long story) and two women with young kids looked at me and said “she’s seems to be smart and know a lot of stuff, we need to hang out with her.” So, we did. They had a boy about the same age as my son and they got along well and my son delighted in showing him around the museum.

But here is what was really cool, aside from meeting some people who are excited to meet someone who is clearly a geek in a museum. While we were watching the kids explore the discovery center, the grandmother asked me what I did and I told her – I’m a writer. About what? Humanism. I told her about my book – and she said it sounded wonderful. So far so good. Emboldened, I told her that my book is in use at the Royal Military College of Canada. She then turned to me and told me she was going to tell her son about the book because he is a colonel in the Coast Guard and he would probably like to know about the book. Wow! So, chance meeting in a museum, I’m open about my Humanism and not only do they not shy away and politely excuse themselves, they are interested in helping me promote Humanism in the US military!

It just goes to show you, you never know who it is you are meeting and you should not be shy about the fact you are a Humanist if it comes up. People really do respond positively to it. In fact, this woman was so positive, she has invited me and my son to join her at a local art museum where she is a member because she can get us in for free and it is something my son has REALLY wanted to do. So now I am looking forward to getting to know a very interesting woman who enjoys geeky things as much as I do and who not only didn’t spurn me because of my Humanism, but who gave me her phone number so she could get to know me better.

Moral of the story? Don’t hide your Humanism.

Humanity vs. Spirituality

2011-04-18T08:01:00.000-07:00

My friend Mick wrote me the other day about his thoughts on Humanism. He said he had been playing with the concept of humanity. I liked what he wrote so much I asked him if I could share it here.

"It occurred to me recently that 'humanity' is a much more useful concept than 'spirituality'. Basically, the thing I would like more atheists to admit is that there are a lot of things, which transcend our understanding, and there always will be. But the problem with the word "spirituality" is that it suggests a definition of what that transcendence is -- i.e. spirit. A humanist, on the other hand, just says - I am facing the unknown as a human with all my limitations, but also all my amazing abilities. I do not have a God, or a lucky number 7, or any of that - just my humanity. I am willing to learn from experience.” - Mick

You can find Mick on youtube at: http://www.youtube.com/user/mickmle1 where he is known as the Fragile Atheist.

Don’t be a Dick

2011-04-13T07:45:00.000-07:00

Got my computer repaired over the weekend. The hard drive was failing. The good news is that Computer Doctors of Bradenton cloned me a new hard drive, so - things are wonderful. Anyway, as I was chatting with Russ, my computer doctor, about my options, we discussed the sorry state of the economy and how I can’t really afford to get a new computer right now. I joked that maybe next year we could afford an upgrade because my hubby will get a raise or my book will be featured on Oprah. He wanted to know which was more likely - I said Oprah (Consider that a nudge to all my good friends - 6 degrees of separation and we can make that happen).

Anyway - that got us talking about my book and Humanism. And yes, my computer doctor is a Humanist. And that’s when he shared with me what Humanism means to him. He said he and his brother have had a motto they have lived by since they were teenagers. And this motto sums up what Humanism means to him. And that is, “Don’t be a dick." It’s really simple. And so is Humanism.

The Death of a Cat

2011-04-06T19:11:00.000-07:00

One of our cats died this week. She was old. I wish I felt sadder then I do because, well, I didn’t really like her that much. She wasn’t very friendly, spent most of her time hiding under our bed and when she did venture forth, it was to pee on the floor and not in the litter box. Needless to say, I am enjoying not having to clean up after a cat that wasn’t much of a pet.

My son, however, is quite sad. Sally, was a very beautiful cat. She looked like a Russian Blue/Dilute Torti mix. She was seriously a beautiful cat. Too bad she rarely let anyone pet her. That is, up until the end. As she neared the end of her life she started to come out more and she even allowed my son to pet her and give her love. He was thrilled!!!

And then she died. And he cried. Which brings me to today’s topic of grief. Grief follows very similar processes regardless of who died. It is the same for a cat or for a human. The only difference is intensity.

So, to help our son, we obviously did not tell him he is going to see Sally again. The urge to ease his pain is strong but we resisted as we felt that would do more harm then good. We also refused to replace her with another pet as that would be cheating. She can’t be replaced and the sooner he came to terms with the reality of her death, the sooner he would be forced to experience his grief and eventually come to terms with it.

Like pretty much everyone who has lost a loved one, he at first tried to deny our cat’s death by hoping she would resurrect and then when that wasn’t an option, he hoped she could re-incarnate. He cried a lot and was sad. We told him he would never forget her and that it was ok to be sad and to cry. And now, three days later, he mentions that he misses her in passing but he has basically gotten on with the business of living his life. He didn’t even cry himself to sleep tonight, as he preferred to discuss our plans for the weekend.

And that is grief in a nutshell. Deny it, come to terms with it, feel bad about it and then get on with your life never forgetting the one you loved and lost.

Freethought Music

2011-04-03T13:58:00.000-07:00

Yes - there is such a genre as Freethought music. And it transcends genres. Here is a list of Freethought artists I am familiar with. If you know of others, please add them to the list. You can sample each artist’s music on their website.

Markella - former opera star turned Freethought recording artist. http://www.markella.com/

Freethought MC - MC stands for Man of Conscious, he creates hip hop music and is in the studio working on his next album - http://www.reverbnation.com/freethoughtmc

Peace of Rock - poetic rock music from and for free minds - http://peaceofrock.net/

Johnny Hoax - Atheist Rapper - http://www.reverbnation.com/johnnyhoax

Also - here are some other Freethought music and entertainment resources you might like to know about.

Keith Lowell Johnson - Atheist comedian - very funny - http://keithlowelljensen.blogspot.com/

Inspirational Humanist Radio Hour - an hour long show out of NY. Airs Tuesday nights at 10 pm but available on podcast as well - great music and musings. - http://www.radiohive.org/category/shows/ihrh

As I said - these are just a few artists I know about. If you know of others, please let me know!

Humanism, Atheism and Apatheism: A Discussion

2011-03-22T08:44:00.000-07:00

Just made this video for youtube - thought I would share it here. I've been thinking about this for the past few days because of a discussion I had on Sunday in Miami. A member of the Atheist movement was adamant that Humanism is a subset of Atheism and while I am an atheist, I just don't agree with that. To me, Humanism is more apatheist than atheist. Let me know what you think.

Helping Japan - as Humanists

2011-03-15T14:20:00.000-07:00

Obviously - everyone should be aware of the triple tragedy that hit Japan last weekend. Here are some ways that you can help as a Humanist.

SHARE: Secular Humanists Aid and Relief Effort is collecting money to give to Doctors without Borders. 100% of money donated will be passed through to Doctors without Borders which is a secular organization. Ton donate visit the campaign page at: https://secure3.convio.net/cfi/site/Donation2?df_id=2000&2000.donation=form1&JServSessionIdr004=qlz8k55cm7.app334b

Foundation Beyond Belief: Foundation Beyond Belief has already donated over $5,000 to relief efforts. Their money is being passed through to the Japanese Red Cross - to donate through Foundation Beyond Belief go to: http://foundationbeyondbelief.org/node/681

Humanist Charities: This project by the American Humanist Association is collecting money for relief efforts in Japan, but is still working with their contacts in the country to decide how best to send direct aid. You can donate to their efforts here: http://www.humanistcharities.org/ Or if you prefer, they also suggest donating to Doctors without Borders and the American Red Cross which are both on the ground already in Japan. Links on their website.

Dogma Free

2011-03-15T13:53:00.000-07:00

The staff of the AHA

I was recently re-reading Humanism and its Aspirations by the American Humanist Association. The American Humanist Association makes it very clear: this statement isn’t about what we must believe as Humanists, it’s a statement about what we do believe.

This is incredibly important because Humanism has no dogma. We are dogma free. What that means is that you don’t have to believe the same things that Humanists do. However, if you do, you are probably a Humanist.

So, what is it that we Humanists do believe? Well, here is the list according to Humanism and its Aspirations. I encourage you to read the entire document for full details.

Science is the best method for determining knowledge
Humans are an integral part of nature
Our values are grounded in human welfare
Life's fulfillment emerges from individual participation in the service of humane ideals
Humans are social by nature and find meaning in relationships, and
Working to benefit society maximizes individual happiness

If you believe these things to, you may be a Humanist.

Ancient Humanism

2011-03-01T07:48:00.000-08:00

I have often heard Humanists in the west say that Humanism was invented in the west during the Renaissance. This is simply not true. Humanism arises in every culture and in every time. It is a product of human reason and compassion. It is more accurate to say that people in Europe rediscovered Humanism during the Renaissance.

Regardless, I wanted to highlight an ancient Humanist philosophy so you can understand why I say it arises in every culture and in every time. One of the nine major philosophies taught in India’s schools is Lokayat. Lokayat, also known as Carvaka, goes back at least to the 6th century BCE, though its origins are probably much older then that. It is the only philosophy of the nine that rejects gods, souls, after lives and an ethics based on judgment in the after life. Most of what we know about it comes from the attacks made on it by individuals who followed other philosophies. Their main complaint was that Lokayat focused on human happiness as it’s main goal. Sound familiar?

My friend Ramendra Nath, in his work Some Reflections on Ethics, has a great chapter on this philosophy that is a must read for anyone interested in Humanism. In it he says:

“According to Lokayat, this world is the only world, this life is the only life, and one should make the best of it. One should not run away from life just because pleasure in life is mixed with pain.”

To read more about Lokayat - visit Dr. Ramendra’s ebook available at the Buddiwadi Foundation website - http://www.buddhiwadi.org/lokayat.htm

Or see the wikipedia article on this philosophy - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C%C4%81rv%C4%81ka

Grief without God

2011-02-20T16:32:00.000-08:00

This seems to be the topic of conversation this week. Anyway - Thinking Atheist did a great show on this yesterday. It is about 1 1/2 hours long, but the first woman really gets it right. Having lost a child myself, I completely understand where she is coming from. She's right, without a belief in god or an afterlife, you have no choice but to accept the reality of what has happened and this acceptance helps you cope more effectively with your loss.

At this point I am absolutely convinced that it is easier to grieve without a belief in god then it is to grieve with a belief in god. And if you are interested in this subject I have an entire chapter dedicated to grief in my book. Anyway - because it is so moving and so important a topic - here is the youtube version of Thinking Atheist's radio show from yesterday. Now go grab some kleenex.

I am not a terrorist.

2011-02-18T07:40:00.000-08:00

Saw a great movie last week that I think everyone should see. It is called My Name is Khan and it stars Shahrukh Khan as a man with Asperger’s whose step son is killed in a hate crime post 9-11. He and his wife take separate grief journeys. His is to tell the president that his name is Khan and that he is not a terrorist. His wife told him to do it and he took her literally.

Why I wanted to write about it is because it is a film about our common humanity and about love being more effective at creating positive social change then hate. It is a REALLY powerful movie. In his grief journey Khan is detained as a terrorist and tortured, becomes a poster boy for the discrimination against not only Islamic individuals in America, but for everyone who is treated as suspect because of how they look. He then goes on to save a rural black community in GA after a hurricane and mobilizes the entire country to act with compassion. And yes, he eventually does get to meet the president.

Admittedly, the story line isn’t all that realistic, but that doesn’t’ matter. Morality tales aren’t about how things actually are. They are about how things ought to be. This movie delivers that message with quite a bit of power and emotion by effectively contrasting how things are with how we wish things would be.

I left the movie with two thoughts. 1) Everyone should see this movie. And 2) I wish that it had actually happened. It would be wonderful if we as a nation had just such a wake up call that no - our neighbors aren’t terrorists just because the look different and worship differently then us. They are, for the most part, humans filled with compassion willing to risk their lives to save people different from themselves just because they care. I stand with Khan - I am not a terrorist. I’m a good human being and I care.

Arrogant Atheists

2011-02-11T17:33:00.000-08:00

I realize this is a blog about Humanism, and Atheism isn’t part of my normal repertoire. But trust me, there is a point to all this. This post is actually written for people of faith trying to make sense of the apparent arrogance of “new” atheists, meaning people who have only recently come to their atheism as opposed to old hands like me. What you need to know is that most of them aren’t trying to be arrogant. What they are trying to be, believe it or not, is helpful.

I think we can all agree that the closer your understanding of how the universe works is to how it actually works the easier the time you will have navigating your way through it. What is happening with the “new” atheists is that they have recently experienced a dramatic change in how they think the universe works and this change in understanding has made their lives not just easier, but A LOT easier. And when you experience something that is not only that dramatic, but that is also incredibly effective at improving your life in general, well, it’s REALLY hard to keep that new knowledge to yourself.

One of the powerful new techniques that “new” Atheists learned on their journey was the discipline of Freethought. Humanists also practice Freethought and regardless of belief or unbelief, there is no reason you shouldn’t as well. I have an entire chapter dedicated to this topic in my book. Here’s part of the concluding paragraph of that chapter:

“A word of warning: once you begin to practice Freethought, you will wonder how you ever made reasonable decisions before. …This newfound knowledge of the tangible benefits of Freethought will probably make you less patient with those who do not practice the technique. Just remember, a little compassion goes a long way."

Conclusion: Most “new” atheists aren’t being arrogant; they are just being a bit inarticulate in their excitement. Be patient with them.

Live to Love Again

2011-02-02T06:25:00.000-08:00

So I’ve been watching some old Bollywood films. The latest was Kabhi Kabhie . Basically, you have a college love affair but the parents marry the girl off to someone else. Hearts are broken. Our girl ends up loving her chosen husband and they are very happy. The boy, a poet, decides he will never love again, and so he doesn’t. He does get married and have a kid, but he refuses to love his wife because he was committed to never love again.

While this is a work of fiction, we all know people who have made similar decisions. Instead of allowing their grief to run it’s course so that they can get on with life, they decide to freeze their heart in place and stay stuck in that one emotion forever. I can’t imagine doing anything stupider, and I can imagine some stupid things.

Look, we all have a choice. Why someone would choose to stay in an emotionally very hurt place is beyond me. I guess some people just like to suffer. I don’t and I would assume most people don’t. If you are planning to go on living after a tragedy, you might as well be happy. So, allow your emotions to run their course and for goodness sake, don’t hold on to the negative ones - allow them to ebb away as you get on with living your life. In the movie - Amit eventually realizes his mistake and declares his love for his wife, but seriously - he wasted almost his entire life being unhappy for no good reason. Moral of the story: Live to love again.

Pick One

2011-01-22T07:49:00.000-08:00

One of the topics that comes up during the Q&A after my talks is how to not get overwhelmed. Once you start feeling compassion for everyone on the planet, the challenge becomes how to not let all the bad stuff that is happening to all those people overwhelm you. Related to this is how to survive emotionally amongst all the requests for assistance. There are so many good causes to get involved with and they are all worthy and they all need help. How is a good person supposed to maintain balance in the face of it all?

My advice? Pick one. You can’t do it all, but that shouldn’t stop you from doing something. So pick something that matters to you and that you think you can make a difference in. It really doesn’t matter what it is. Just pick one, get involved and try to make things better in that one area. Not only will you be more effective if you focus your efforts, you will also be happier.

We all know intellectually that we can’t do everything at once and be everywhere simultaneously and that we shouldn’t even try to. The problem is convincing our hearts, which bleed with compassion. Just remind yourself that there are in fact people working on those other issues and their work frees you up to focus on the one issue you have picked, safe in the knowledge that those other issues are indeed being worked on.

If that doesn’t do the trick, I will absolve you of the sin of not being superhuman. There - now you have my official permission to pick one without feeling too much guilt. So go forth and help make your corner of the world a better place.

Circumstances Beyond Your Control

2011-01-19T08:19:00.000-08:00

Ok - I write about the Humanist Approach to happiness, but lets be honest. It’s impossible to be happy all the time. Sometimes bad stuff happens that’s beyond our control. Whether it is an insane gunman killing random people at a rally, or it’s a sudden loss of a child, which just happened to a friend of a friend. Stuff happens and when that stuff happens, it is normal and natural to be upset by it.

So, how do we as Humanists cope? How do we reclaim our sense of hope and wonder and joy when the news is so depressing? Well, it isn’t easy. And, it takes time. And that’s ok. Again, you are not going to be happy all the time. And unfortunately, there is no magic wand you can wave to make all the sorrows and sadness in your life go away.

While I hate to gratuitously pitch my book, it does have an entire chapter about coping with grief so if you want to learn more about coping with those emotions, please get yourself a copy. What I want to focus on here is that the way back to happiness requires you to regain control of a situation that you had no control over. And the way you do that is to consciously make a decision to do so.

And in the meantime, while you are working at regaining control, there are some tricks to helping you calm your mind enough to focus on the task ahead of you. Whether you repeat the Serenity Prayer as your mantra or meditate, doesn’t matter. As long as you find a way to focus your energy productively despite your

Don’t put that in your mouth. Unless …

2011-01-11T08:09:00.000-08:00

Ok - so, I am the mom of a 5 yr old and the other day he put a bunch of pennies in his mouth. He didn’t have a good reason why he did that, though he did say they tasted horrible. Like any good mom, I made up a new rule. If it isn’t food, it doesn’t belong in your mouth. Simple enough. Self-evident. Easy to follow and easy to understand. No exceptions. Right?

Wrong. My sister kindly pointed out that toothbrushes and toothpaste are not food, yet, they do indeed belong in your mouth. So, there you have it. No rule, no matter how simple or how obvious or how much you agree with it is absolute. They all have valid exceptions.

Why am I bringing this up? Because Humanism is all about personal ethics and ethics are nothing more then a set of rules to help you be a better more moral person. The problem is that many people treat ethical rules as if they are absolute when they aren’t. Humanists understand that all ethics are situational. Meaning that even if a rule is good, there are times when you need to break it to do the right thing. For instance, if you don’t occasionally put non-foodstuff in your mouth, like a toothbrush, your teeth will eventually fall out.

A Delicate Balance

2011-01-04T07:48:00.000-08:00

I have been helping a friend of mine from Bahrain edit an essay about Humanism. I am loving the essay. It continues to astonish me how people from all over the world manage to reach the same conclusions about life. Anyway, he said I could share some of it with you and the bit I want to share has to do with balancing the competing aspects of the Humanist philosophy. As I agree whole-heartedly I am sharing it here.

He quotes Barry Seidman who is a writer, producer and Humanist who wrote in an essay titled Imagine All the People the following statement.

If we cling to atheism as the basis for our behavior in society, then we may become what I call, "atheist avengers," putting our energies in debunking God while leaving social justice issues behind. If we only focus on science and skepticism we risk the twin evils of elitism and arrogance, finding more strength in attacking religionists or debunking the masses, than in making the world a better place to live. And if we focus only on social justice issues and ignore the problems of supernaturalism and the tool of science, we can find ourselves trapped in the labyrinth of postmodernism, and wind up building our societies on the fallacy that humans have free will. - Barry Seidman

My friend, A.R.M. of Bahrain, sums up the various aspects of Humanism thusly “So humanistic thoughts mostly concentrate on living a peaceful life, doing good, research, critical thinking, social justice, making the world better place to live, free will, and democracy.” Now that’s what I call balance.

Appreciation

2010-12-28T16:30:00.000-08:00

Everyone knows that making a marriage work takes work. But what exactly does that mean. I was thinking about this the other day while watching a movie about a dysfunctional relationship. I personally am very happy in my marriage and feel like I have a great relationship. And I don’t really think of being married as work because honestly, nurturing my relationship with my husband is a joy. That is because the best way to nurture your spouse is to actively appreciate them.

So, what is my advice on how to make a marriage work? Well, first, don’t think of it as work. Thinking about all the reasons why you love your spouse shouldn’t be a chore. Get in the habit of appreciating your spouse every day. It will help you treat them better and it really isn’t that hard to do. In fact, you will probably find that it is fun to think about all of the reasons why you should appreciate. It feels good to do it.

The mistake I think people make is that over time, they forget to do this and they start taking their spouse for granted. Don’t take yours for granted. Appreciate them for the wonderful person they are (I assume they are wonderful or you wouldn’t have married them in the first place) and make sure to thank them for being in your life every day.

Humanists are Human Too

2010-12-16T08:05:00.000-08:00

Clay Duke opens fire on the Bay County School Board

Apparently the Florida gunman who opened fire on the Bay County School Board in Florida claimed on his Facebook page that he was a Humanist. He was also diagnosed as being bi-polar and had spent time in prison on a stalking conviction. In other words, he was a human who, despite his best intentions, wasn’t thinking clearly. This much is obvious because people who are thinking clearly don’t take school boards hostage as a way to commit suicide.

I have no idea if he was a Humanist or not. My approach is that people are what they say they are. The important lesson is that being a Humanist doesn’t mean you are perfect. It only means you are striving to be a better person. A process made all the more difficult when coping with a mental illness as this guy was.

Humanists strive to use reason and logic to solve our problems and we try to keep our strong emotions under control when making our decisions. We try to but that doesn’t mean we will always succeed. We also strive to be compassionate with everyone we meet. And again, the fact that we try to be compassionate doesn’t mean we will always succeed. Being logical, rational and compassionate all the time is hard to do, even if you are sane.

The fact of the matter is that we Humanists are humans too. As my dad always said – no group corners the market on stupidity. We have the same struggles and challenges that everyone else has. But just because we won’t always succeed in keeping our basic instincts at bay doesn’t mean we shouldn’t at least try. We have to try. That’s the point of being a Humanist.

The phrase that keeps sticking in my mind is “there but for the grace of god go I.” I was lucky enough to be born without any mental illness. I am able to think clearly most of the time (except when I am super hungry and my blood sugars are low). The thought of lashing out in violence simply never occurs to me. For me, being a Humanist is easy. For others, through no fault of their own, it is obviously a bit more of a struggle. But I would argue that regardless of your starting point, this is a struggle worth waging. Even though you might not always succeed; when you do, the world is made a little bit better. And that is something worth striving for.

Imagine

2010-12-08T07:48:00.000-08:00

Today is the 30th anniversary of the great sage John Lennon’s death. Yes, I remember where I was. Yes I still have the newspapers that announced his death. Yes, that does date me. Regardless. His philosophy of life moved people, which is why we are still mourning his death even after 30 yrs have passed. While I don’t think he labeled himself as a Humanist, it is clear that he pretty much was.

I have always considered the lyrics “Whatever gets you through the night, it’s all right. It’s all right.” to be a bit of a personal motto when it comes to reminding myself that it is ok that other people don’t believe the same things as I do. It is a message of not just tolerance, but of acceptance. That it really is alright is a powerful thing to remember.

Finally, as pretty much everyone knows, his song “Imagine” is the finest statement of Humanist beliefs ever put to music. John - you are missed but not forgotten.

Responsibility is not a 4-letter word

2010-11-23T08:57:00.000-08:00

Ok - so this blog is about how to find happiness as a Humanist. And the single biggest thing you can do for yourself to find happiness is to start being responsible. I know, I know, if you want to be happy, you need to be free. But here is where people go off course. If you want to be free, the first thing you need to do is be responsible.

Whether you like it or not, your actions have consequences. If you try to avoid responsibility, what you are really trying to do is avoid the consequences of your actions. Which doesn’t ever work. There will always be consequences. Once you realize you can’t avoid the consequences, you begin to realize how important it is to choose your actions wisely.

And there you have it. The big secret of the Humanist approach to happiness is to take responsibility for your life. This isn’t something someone else can do for you. Trying to avoid responsibility never works out well anyway. So, if you want to be happy, embrace your responsibilities.

God has all the best music?

2010-11-18T08:10:00.000-08:00

There is no question about it. Some of the world’s best music is sacred music. It has the power to move us in ways that we don’t quite understand. It can lift our emotions and take us on a journey that fills us with hope, gladness, longing and sadness all simultaneously. It is no wonder that music, when used to evoke that, which is sacred, is so powerful.

Granted, there is great secular music that can do this for us as well, John Lennon’s Imagine comes to mind. But there is nothing quite like the experience of listening to a great piece of sacred music performed with all the love and delicacy that these pieces require and elicit. And it is perhaps because the performers themselves are so moved by the lyrics and emotions being evoked, that we are too.

One of my favorite experiences in life was to attend Evensong at the York Cathedral. The acoustics of the building combined with the voices of a full choir singing praises to a god was magical. I don’t care that their praise was to god. That they were singing praises to anything was what was moving. We simply don’t do that enough. It was so incredibly beautiful that the thought of that service still brings me to tears just thinking about it.

For me, I don’t care some of my favorite music is sacred in origin. There is clearly something human in wanting to be moved emotionally the way the songs do. So, I say, allow yourself to be transported, to wherever this music takes you. If only for a short time. As Liberace once said, if you have a thing of beauty, it is a shame not to share it. There is enough ugliness in the world that any work of art that celebrates something beautiful and loving is worth cherishing.

And on that note, here is my favorite bit of sacred music: Ave Maria by Schubert, who is probably my favorite composer.

Consider Humanism

2010-11-10T08:12:00.000-08:00

The American Humanist Association launched a new nationwide ad campaign to encourage people to “Consider Humanism.” And I have to say, I LIKE this campaign. It is way better then the “good without god” campaign they had last year. I understand why they did that campaign, but honestly, you don’t need to bring god into the discussion when talking about Humanism. Really, you don’t.

Anyway, I love the print ads - they contrast a quote from the bible with a quote from a famous Humanist. I particularly like the one on Hatred, which features Katherine Hepburn where she says, “I’m an atheist, and that’s it. I believe there is nothing we can know except that we should be kind to each other and do what we can for each other.” This quote is contrasted with one from Luke where Jesus is quoted as saying that he only wants disciples who hate their parents.

Anyway, they also have television ads. And in the traditional Humanist spirit of “hey, that’s not the way I would have done it,” I am going to give my two cents on the tv ads. The main one on the site, spot #2, I like. It has a older looking white guy giving the religious quote and a nice looking young woman giving the Humanist quote. The impression one gets is that the religious quote is quite literally old and ugly (no offense to the actor who is well groomed, it is just what he is saying is really pretty disturbing) while Humanism is portrayed as fresh and beautiful. Perfect.

But the other two ads, feature Richard Dawkins and Carl Coon. And while I like what they say in their spots, my gut impression of them was - old white guy vs old white guy. It doesn’t have the same visual impact that the young lady has. In them, Humanism isn’t fresh, its old and white just like the religious quote is.

So, to my good friends over at the AHA, I do honestly love the spots. Just next time you spend this much money, try paying a little more attention to what the visuals are saying, and not just to what the script says. Just because Dawkins agreed to appear in the spot doesn’t mean you actually have to use him if his presence ruins the visual appeal of the spot. (Again, no offense to Dawkins who is also well groomed and quite handsome - but he is old and white).

Madonna’s Balls

2010-10-27T10:26:00.000-07:00

Everyone struggles with time management. We all have too much to do and not enough time in which to do it. Believe it or not, one of the best pieces of advice I ever got about how to deal with it all was from Madonna.

Several years ago the NARAS magazine interviewed Madonna. She had a lot of projects she was working on at the time on from films, a new production company, recording her own records and touring along with I think a clothing line or something of that sort. She clearly was juggling quite a bit. So NARAS asked her, how do you keep all those balls in the air? She said she didn’t. She just makes sure to remember where she drops them so that when she has the time she can pick them up again.

This answer is brilliant. I love that it is so very matter of fact. Here is one of the most powerful entertainers in the world saying it’s ok if you drop something. The important thing is to remember what you dropped and where you dropped it so you can get back to it when you have the time. What a rational approach to a very common problem. So consider this a big shout out to Madonna and the way she handles her balls.

Just Because

2010-10-23T13:59:00.000-07:00

a typical image from Wind From Nowhere

I was asked in an interview the other day on Inside the Atheists Studio about what some of my favorite blogs were. I was totally unprepared for the question. It’s not like I don’t have my favorites, I just had a total brain freeze at the question. To make up for it, here is a list of some of the blogs I follow in alphabetical order, because that’s just how I roll. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

HASSNERS - Humanist Atheist Scientific Secularist Naturalistic Evoluntary Rationalist Skeptics. Caution - this is a British blog. LOL

Humanist Weddings in Scotland - who doesn’t like to read a good love story now and then.

JoachimWorld - from my friend Joachim de Posada - he’s a Humanist and motivational speaker living in Puerto Rico - posts are in English though.

Letters from A Broad - written by an ex-Mormon atheist mom living in France. I also like the play on words in her title.

Little Bit Quirky - written by my friend Cheryl about raising her high functioning Asperger daughter.

Nabeel A Khan - he is a journalist and Humanist writing from Dehli India.

Unscripted - doesn’t fit in a box - always interesting and often thought provoking.

Wind from Nowhere - mostly graphics - but always cool.

Love. Love. Love.

2010-10-13T06:49:00.000-07:00

I once had a crazy sociology professor in college. He was fired the semester after I took him. Not because he was unable to refute a claim of bestiality made by Wally George. Nor was it because he came in one day wanting to know if any of us had seen his heroin dealer. He wasn’t even fired because he told us all we weren’t going to heaven because there were only 144,000 spots in it and the little old lady down the street who had never done anything wrong just got spot 143,999. Nope, he was fired because one day he had us chant “f*ck” for 20 minutes. I have to admit, that was a little weird.

Anyway, I loved that class. It was one of the most thought provoking classes I ever took. Our professor would start each day off with a question and depending on how the class answered, he would play devil’s advocate by challenging the majority view. One day the question was - is it better to be loved or to be in love. The majority answered that it was better to be loved. As usual, I was in the minority. I have always felt it is better to be in love.

First, being in love feels great! Seriously, there is nothing that can compare to the feeling of loving another person. But the real reason that being in love is better is because being loved by others isn’t going to help you love yourself.

I realize that many people think having someone else love them will make them feel better about themselves. But it won’t. In order to love yourself, you need to LOVE! The onus is on you. No amount of outside approval will substitute.

The way to learn how to love yourself is by learning to love others. And since love begets love, there is an endless supply; you can love as many people as your heart will allow you to. And the more you love, the more you will love yourself. It is as simple as that. Love is all you need.

Imagine

2010-10-09T09:15:00.000-07:00

No song better expresses the feelings of Humanists then John Lennon's Imagine. So powerful is this song, that despite it's heretical lyrics, people of all faiths will gladly sing this at the top of their lungs in unison. As it's the 70th anniversary of John Lennon's birth, I thought I would share it here. Imagine.

Tell me everything is gonna be alright!

2010-09-25T13:55:00.000-07:00

Today is International Love Song Day. A day to think about your favorite love song, because, lets face it, the world would be a much sadder place without love songs. As I was thinking about what my favorite love song is - I thought - well, what’s my favorite Beatle’s love song? “I’ve Just Seen a Face” is one of my favorites. I like it’s simplicity and innocence. Then I thought, maybe a Duran Duran or Spandau Ballet song might be my favorite. And I immediately thought of “I’ll Fly for You.”

But as I was thinking about this - I realized, nothing beats a Hawaiian love song. I literally can spend all day listening to Hawaiian love songs. And then I have trouble. There are so many I love, that none immediately jump to mind as my favorite.

Do I choose something from Cecilio and Kapono? Goodnight and Goodmorning is certainly one of my favorites. But so is pretty much every song they ever recorded. Song for Someone, Lovin in your eyes, or About You, come to mind. But why limit myself to C&K? Why not go with You Ku’uipo, which is one of my all-time favorite songs. And by all-time favorite, I mean, if all I could do is listen to this song for the rest of my life I would be ok with that. But then how can you forget Far Too Wide For Me by Peter Moon and Patrick Downes? Anyone who’s lived in the islands goes to complete mush when they hear that song. There’s a reason it’s used in the telephone commercial.

But then I realized, no, I know the best love song in the world. Danny’s Song by Loggins and Messina but sung by a Hawaiian. Every band in Hawaii covers this song. Pretty much every show is ended with this song and everyone in the audience sings along at the top of their lungs with tears in their eyes as they do so. It is one of the best love songs ever written. Everyone can relate and once you’ve experienced the joy of a community sing along to it, your life will never be the same again. So there you go. Don’t believe me? Here is a video of Kapono in New Orleans in 2007 with the crowd singing along.

Even though we ain’t got money, I’m so in love with you honey. Everything will bring a chain of love. And in the morning when I rise, you bring a tear of joy to my eyes and tell me everything is gonna be alright!

Life is to be lived

2010-09-24T15:10:00.000-07:00

So, been doing a bit of a virtual book tour in support of my book. One of the big topics I am being asked about is suicide. Which is interesting because I only really address it from the perspective of - here’s how you recognize suicidal behavior in others with the advice that you should probably avoid them because suicidal people like to take others along with them for their self destructive rides.

What I didn’t do is give advice to people who are contemplating suicide. Probably because for me, it’s not something I have ever considered seriously. And also, I do like to focus on happier things. But since it has come up and because my podcast posts about suicide are my most popular posts (which again is a bit upsetting), I thought I would give a quick - here’s how Humanists look at it.

Don’t commit suicide!

Life is amazing. And yes, it is hard at times, and painful and sad at times. And believe me, I know. I have lost a child and been the victim of a stalking. I have known sadness and pain so powerful that it is incapacitating. I have known fear so intense it is immobilizing. But those are just emotions. Regardless of how intense they are, they are temporary and can be overcome. I am living proof that it is possible to not just overcome them but to thrive. It’s hard, but it can be done.

The question people considering suicide often ask is, “why not just kill myself and get it over with?” Humanists find this question to be a very unsatisfying and depressing question to ask. It has no good answer. So if you find yourself asking that question, stop.

The better question to ask yourself is this. “Despite it all, why not live?” Go on. Ask yourself this question and see how you feel afterwards, I’ll wait. …. To even ask that question is in some ways an act of defiance. It feels good. More importantly, even a halfhearted response to “why not live” opens up a new world of possibilities.

The Humanist approach is to live despite it all. And not only to live but to embrace life whole-heartedly - the good and the bad and to ultimately be happy. Life is amazing and hard, but it is life and life is to be lived. And if you die, you will miss it all, and that would be a shame. Especially since tomorrow is International Love Song day - you wouldn’t want to miss that.

Oh - and one last thing. If you are suffering from depression and are thinking of killing yourself. Don’t. Go to your doctor and tell them you are depressed and be honest with them about exactly how depressed you really are. They really can help you and you will feel much better once you are honest with someone else about how badly you have been feeling. If you can’t afford a doctor or don’t have one, go to your county health clinic and tell them about how you feel. Help is available, go and get it. Check out - http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ for more information

A Good Book

2010-09-19T17:11:00.000-07:00

Not to brag or anything, but when your Christian mother in law likes your new book about Humanism, A LOT, you’re doing something right. She called me the other day to tell me she was reading “a good book.” Not the good book, mind you, but a very good book. It was mine. She likes it so much she is planning to share it with others. Did I mention she is a Christian? And that my book is about Humanism? And that the people she is planning to share my book with are Christians?

What she said she liked about my book is that it is filled with just plain old common sense. The sort of stuff her preacher talks about. Living a good life isn’t rocket science. It just requires common sense, which, unfortunately, isn’t always common, and sometimes doesn’t make a lot of sense until someone explains it to you explicitly. But then, once you understand the reasons why, it makes perfect sense and your understanding of the world is more complete as a result.

Humanism is a lot like that. It’s simple. It makes a lot of sense, and is born out of common sense. But until or unless someone explains it to you, it remains a mystery. The other thing this experience teaches is that it is possible to explain Humanism and its emphasis on secularism in a way that makes sense to people of faith and in a way they will listen to, seek out and accept without the knee jerk reaction that characterizes most interactions between atheists and people of faith.

See what a good book can do for you? And yes, I realize this is a shameless plug for my new book, but honestly I couldn't think of any way to not plug the book and share this really cool story- so deal with it! LOL.

And the Winner Is …..

2010-09-16T13:19:00.000-07:00

Jumping on a trampoline
makes everyone happy.
So Chill Out and Enjoy Yourself!

Hemant Mehta over at FriendlyAtheist.com ran a contest to win a copy of my new book last week. Since my book includes practical advice, he asked his readers to provide practical advice to someone who has just realized they are an atheist. It was very difficult to decide which answer was the best. But I am happy to announce the winner!

Lore from St. Louis won a copy of my new book. I liked her answer because her advice is good for anyone who has just learned something new that they are excited about, not just for those who are breaking free of their old theologies. Here is what she said, “I wish someone had told me that just because I had recently figured out my own beliefs didn’t mean that everyone else was ready or trying to do the same. It was all well and good that I had rationalized my way through the troubling bits of theology I had been taught growing up, but not everybody was ready to confront those inconsistencies and me trying to force the conversation made me seem like a jerkass. If I could talk to former me I would say ‘Chill out and wait, you will find people who want to have this conversation eventually, but this person is not them.’” Congrats Lore - I hope you enjoy my book.

The runner up was Tim. I liked Tim’s answer precisely because it mirrors my own personal feelings about life, the universe and everything. It encapsulates so much of what makes the Humanist philosophy such a wonderful way to view your place in the grand universe we live in while simultaneously putting to rest the pain of an existential depression. Tim’s answer is as follows, “I think everyone one should be told how awesome they are when throwing off the faith shackles, because it is a tough and sometimes heart breaking thing to do. They should be told that they are part of the cosmic potluck that is everything, which is more amazing than only being part of a very small part of the universe that their faith said they were. We are cousins of stars and siblings of all life and that is pretty damn amazing if you ask me. They should be told that they’re still extremely special because they are unique and smart enough to realize this. That they have the capacity to learn mysteries their faith can’t even imagine and a body that can feel and experience the world around them that can bring more joy than any prayer ever could. And if they don’t believe it they should just try to jump on a trampoline without smiling.”

Lessons learned? Chill out and enjoy yourself!

Proposed Solution

2010-09-10T14:33:00.000-07:00

Ok - so, book burning is the topic of the week. Can’t escape it. A Christian pastor in Gainesville wants to burn Qurans in order to show how devilish Islam and Muslims are. And yeah, seems a bit ironic that it’s the Christian doing the book burning. He’s clearly projecting his inherent dickishness onto Muslims.

Anyway, I have a solution to the dilemma I think will make everyone happy. And you know I am all about making people happy. Here it is. The way to dispose of damaged Qurans is to burn them. So, I think all the Muslims in Florida should gather up all their damaged Qurans and deliver them to Pastor Terry Jones and say - Here - burn these! We need to dispose of them anyway and you would be doing us a favor.

The Muslims could say a prayer over the books before delivering them, something along the lines of - Allah, please forgive this man and please take this offering of damaged Qurans and grant the world religious harmony and tolerance for the diversity of the people on this planet we call earth. Or something along those lines.

Then, the Muslims would be happy that their holy book is being destroyed according to Allah’s wishes and in service to the cause of religious harmony. Pastor Terry Jones would be happy as he could finally burn some books and the rest of us would be happy that we don’t have to pay attention to this story anymore.

The only people who wouldn’t be happy are the Taliban types. But nothing will make them happy, and trying to figure out how to appease people who can’t be appeased is a waste of time.

Problem solved. Your welcome!

100 Happiness Hacks

2010-09-05T15:32:00.000-07:00

Share a smile with a random stranger today

The good folks over at massagetherapyschools.net thought I would like their article on 100 Happiness Hacks. And I do. I agree with all 100 of them so go check it out!

My favorites:

#7: Remember that Happiness and Perfection aren’t the same.

#21 Don’t let organization go to far. (in other words, don’t drive yourself crazy trying to organize things).

#28 Just stop whining. (Seriously - just stop)

#50 Stay away from emotional vampires.

#58 Grow through learning

#59 Dance

#82 Don’t let money determine happiness

#90 Say hi for no reason

and my absolute favorite #98 Smile at strangers

I always say if you want to be happy you need to practice being happy.

With a Little Help from my Friends

2010-09-03T07:57:00.000-07:00

Last week, the local paper printed some nasty letters about me in the letters to the editor section. I’m not complaining or anything, I actually expected when I started writing about Humanism for the local paper that some religious nuts would get upset. My last column was about how Humanists cope with stress. What I didn’t include, but what my fellow Humanists pointed out online, was that Humanists do indeed rely on our friends to help us get through the tough times.

Which is why I want to give a quick shout out to my friends. After the nasty letters were printed, my friends came to my support. Told me all sorts of wonderful things about me and gave me plenty of good rationalizations on why those nasty letters shouldn’t bother me, and that in fact, I must have done something good to get those nasty letter writers so upset.

And then, some of them wrote letters to the editor defending me! How awesome is that! My friend Myra’s letter, which did get published, came to my defense saying that I am a good person and that the nasty letter writers were way off base. And my good friend Wade seems to have organized a local support club to defend my honor in the paper.

On top of that, my book launched this week and my friends once again showed their support by helping me spread the word. I just feel so “blessed” to have such wonderful and supportive friends. Heck, if it hadn’t been for my friend Na, my book would look nearly as good as it does, as she helped me with editing, as did my mom.

So thank you everyone, I couldn’t get by without you.

Helping Pakistan

2010-08-29T16:26:00.000-07:00

The floods in Pakistan are massive. About 1/5th of the country has been affected, an area the size of Belgium, Austria and Switzerland combined. At least 1.2 millions homes have been destroyed with the UN reporting that 17.2 million people have been affected, 8.6 million of which are children. To get a scope of the disaster, consider this. Already more people have been affected then the Asian Tsunami, and the Haiti and Kashmir earthquakes combined.

According to the latest UNICEF report, the greatest humanitarian needs are: Food, clean water, hygeine, medical supplies and rebuliding of schools.

Humanists are helping by donating through SHARE (the Skeptics and Humanists Aid and Relief Effort), which will forward all donations on to Oxfam which has been active in Pakistan doing relief work for children and women prior to the floods.

The UN's report on the needs assessment for Pakistan is located here: http://www.unicefusa.org/assets/pdf/UNICEF-Immediate-Needs-Document-Pakistan-Flooding-26-August-2010.pdf

If you want to donate directly to the UN relief effort in Pakistan, you may do so here: http://www.unicefusa.org/work/emergencies/flood-relief/?gclid=CMmc_Inn36MCFYNR2godpj9GSA

The important thing is to help. These are our fellow human beings here. If we are to call ourselves Humanists, we must be willing to act on our compassion for others. Donate today!

Procrastination

2010-08-24T08:45:00.000-07:00

In my humble opinion, wasting time is never a waste of time. It means I was doing something I enjoy instead of doing something I obviously didn’t want to do. Now, my maxim about wasting time is one that only works in moderation, in accordance with Franklin’s famous maxim. Obviously, if you procrastinate too much, nothing will get done, and that won’t be good.

But my real point is that if your brain refuses to let you work on a project there is probably a good reason for it. Sometimes it is a good idea to allow your brain to play with other thoughts for a while, rather then force it to work on something it clearly doesn’t want to.

Case in point. I procrastinated on writing this article all morning. I got a lot of important stuff done; I just couldn’t begin to start working on it, mostly because I didn’t know what I wanted to write about. And then, while I was procrastinating on Facebook, it hit me, I should write about the value of procrastination.

Now I have my idea and I am excited to write this column. And in the meantime I had had fun brainstorming about different avenues in which to sell my new book (to be released in early Sept 2010). All things come in their own sweet time as another maxim goes. So, the next time you are procrastinating on a project, don’t fret. As long as you are not near your deadline, you will be fine. Waste time doing something your brain enjoys and eventually your brain will figure out how it wants to tackle the project you have been procrastinating on and then there will be no stopping you.

Appreciating Duran Duran

2010-08-10T13:56:00.000-07:00

Today is National Duran Duran Appreciation Day. And as a Duran Duran fan who has stuck with them since my teens I wanted to write a little something about why, as a Humanist, I like Duran Duran. The reason I am still an avid DD fan is because their music has always been optimistic. We Humanists are big into optimism, as I pointed out in my last post. Music that makes you feel happy to be alive still has a place in this world. Plus, how can you not like a band whose best song is called "Hallucinating Elvis."

Anyway, their 2004 album, astronaut, was excellent (linked here). It came just a few years after 9-11 and for me it really just provided an emotional release from the post 9-11 funk we were all feeling at that time. I remember thinking that just as U2 had managed to capture our anguish over 9-11. Duran Duran was now providing us with the antidote, encouraging us to "reach out for the sunrise" once again. That is was now ok to get on with our lives and optimistically "let a new day enter your life." For helping me to remind me that optimism is the best antidote to all the troubles in the world - I appreciate Duran Duran. Plus, Bedroom Toys, which is on the Astronaut album, is one of the funniest songs ever.

Always look on the bright side of life

2010-08-05T16:00:00.000-07:00

Humanism is an optimistic philosophy. We see no point in facing life's adversities pessimistically. We are also very realistic about death. We know we are going to die. And actually, we find this thought strangely very motivating. Our thinking is thus: If we are going to die, we might as well make the best of it while we are here. And that means, not succumbing to pessimism. We Humanists believe we can make things better, if we just try. And when we can't, we might as well laugh about our predicament. So, in the spirit of this outlook, I am sharing the following video - from Monty Python's Life of Brian. Enjoy!

Happiness Happens

2010-08-01T11:46:00.000-07:00

The Secret Society of Happy People is celebrating the 11th Annual Happiness Happens Month (August). I’m participating in HappyThon 2010, 24 hours of social media messages about happiness. Below are some questions that I’ve answered.

• What’s the happiest moment you’ve had recently? Getting a regular column in the local paper to write about the Humanist Approach to Happiness- that was cool.

• What song makes your toes tap? You’ve got to Move It – by Wil-I-am from the movie Madagascar. It is impossible not to groove when that song is on.

• What TV show makes you laugh? The Daily Show – some of their jokes a really funny. Otherwise, That Mitchell and Webb Look is hysterical.

• When you need a happy-pick-me-up what movie do you watch? The Beatles: either Help or a Hard Day’s Night.

• What’s your favorite childhood food? I remember being really obsessed with Icees one summer. Collected the points and everything. Don’t know that I ever collected enough to turn them in for something, but boy – do I loves me an Icee.

• What’s your happy beverage? Ummmmm – a White Russian.

• What’s your favorite smell? Honey almond raison lamb cooking in the oven.

• Who makes you smile just thinking of them? My husband.

• Where and when was your favorite vacation? That’s a toughie. Either the Alaska trip where we were plane camping in the Wrangell Elias National Park the day before we got married on a ferry in front of a coastal glacier on Prince William Sound or the canal boat holiday we took in Scotland. Both vacations were awesome!

• What is your favorite holiday? Passover.

• If you had a happy adjective in front of your name what would it be? My mom’s nickname in college was apparently Giggles, but that doesn’t describe me. I have been told on multiple occasions in a variety of settings though that I am a goddess and I do like the sound of Goddess Jen Hancock – so let’s go with that. Yes – that would make me VERY happy.

• What are your favorite happiness quotes? “Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy.” - Robert Anthony

Want more information about the Secret Society of Happy People and Happiness Happens Month? Visit http://www.sohp.com/

Have people forgotten how to have fun?

2010-07-25T15:39:00.000-07:00

I ask because it seems like a lot of people go around moping all day. And granted, they are probably dealing with quite a bit of crap. We all are. But there are some people who seem to enjoy being down in the dumps. Others like to pretend to be deep and so act brooding to show just how deep their thoughts really are. After all, no one believes that a happy person has deep thoughts. How could they? If they were awake to the horror that is living, there is no way they could be happy. Right?

WRONG! It is perfectly possible to be happy despite it all. Not all the time, granted, but much of the time anyway. And, why not be happy? Isn’t there enough sorrow in the world? Why not take advantage of little moments of happiness that chance to come your way? Haven’t you earned them?

I am not suggesting you should ignore your problems. That isn’t the Humanist way. I am just saying that approaching your problems with optimism and humor not only makes it easier to even want to tackle your problems it will also help you notice the good things that are happening around you. As a result, you are more likely to be happy.

Things that make me smile

2010-07-18T07:27:00.000-07:00

I am now a freelance columnist for the Bradenton Herald and I write a monthly column about Humanism for them. It replaces their regular Faith Matters feature once a month which is nice because Humanism is so rarely represented in our local papers. Anyway – here is a link to my first column. Feel free to leave a comment or recommend this column to others.

http://www.bradenton.com/2010/07/17/2439036/humanist-columnists-personal-motto.html#none

Being published makes me smile.

And while we are on the subject of things that make me smile - I want to share another link to a column sent to me by Ken, one of my readers. He works with NursingSchools.net and the column is about 15 fascinating facts about smiling. The fact that there are 19 different ways to smile makes me smile and that feels good. Here is the link:

http://www.nursingschools.net/blog/2010/07/say-cheese-15-fascinating-facts-about-smiling/

Freedom Tastes of Reality

2010-07-03T07:15:00.000-07:00

If you are searching for a philosophy that can help you succeed in life, don't be fooled by the various religions and other practices that require some serious mental gymnastics to follow. Try Humanism instead. Just try to be a good human being, stay firmly based in reality and practice compassion. In other words, keep it simple. In my book, I have a chapter on simplicity in all things and I include the lyrics to I'm Free from Tommy by The Who. I do so because this songs speaks to a basic Humanist truth. Freedom tastes of reality. You can only gain freedom and control over your life if you engage with reality positively. You obviously can't engage positively with the world if you are ignore reality. I am embedding the song for you but the relevant lyrics are: I'm Free, and Freedom tastes of reality. If I told you what it takes to reach the highest high, you'd laugh and say nothing's that simple. But you've been told many times before Messiah's pointing to the door and no one has the guts to leave the temple! I'm Free, and freedom tastes of reality. Here is the video

The power of metaphor

2010-07-02T06:32:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday I got an email from someone who doesn’t understand what a metaphor is. And upon hearing the words “it’s as if” did not realize that what came afterwards was not meant literally. The actual construction was “it’s as if you told me you believe in invisible flying pigs.” It’s in a video I made on youtube. Anyway, this person sent me an angry email telling me that they don’t believe in invisible flying pigs as that would be ridiculous. (sigh)

Ok. So what is a metaphor and why are they important? Ignore the fact my example is actually that of an analogy. A metaphor is a way of comparing two different things as a way of showing how they are the same. My construction was that someone telling me they believe in god is the same as if they told me they believe in invisible flying pigs. Both are ridiculous to me – not to be offensive to anyone of faith – it is just if faith made sense to me I wouldn’t be an atheist. Would I?

Anyway the reason metaphor is important is because if you take everything literally, then when Jesus says he is the bread and water of heaven – you would think the man was literally made out of bread and water. Which of course would be ridiculous even though the 2nd half is of course, true, we humans do have a lot of water in us. This passage is best understood as metaphor – as in, he is as central to heaven as food and water is to life itself. In other words, without Jesus, no heaven. See how much more interesting things are when you understand metaphor?

Proof that people are basically good

2010-06-26T06:45:00.000-07:00

Humanism’s starting point is the idea that people are basically good. The success of our philosophy depends on whether that statement is true or not. Turns out, it is and the Panera Bread company just proved it. The Panera Bread Company opened a store this past year that is run on a non-profit model. Basically, people pay for their food on the honor system. If you can’t afford to pay, you can still get food. If you can afford to pay, you pay and perhaps pay a little extra to cover the cost of the food of your fellow customers who can’t afford to pay. And – it works!

The good folks at Panera bread didn’t know if this would work because, well, you just can’t ever be sure of basic human nature. And leaving the payment up to the best behavior of your customers is a risk. But it turns out that people are basically good and the number of good people more then makes up for the few who might be taking advantage of this system. Which is good because this model actually pays for itself as a way to help feed the hungry. So double plus good.

The next time someone tells you that people are basically evil don’t believe them. Thanks to Panera Bread we now have capitalist proof that people are basically good.

Be a Good Sport

2010-06-20T13:17:00.000-07:00

So the US men’s team had a goal taken away from them during a recent World Cup match. That goal made the difference between tying the game and winning the game. It may also be the difference between the US moving into the next round. Fans are obviously upset. However, the big discussion in America is why the US can’t challenge the referee’s on field ruling or even ask for an explanation of why the call was made. After all, you can do that in American football, baseball, basketball and all our other sports. Seems unfair that what the ref says goes in soccer. Soccer doesn’t even utilize instant replay to help with the ref’s decisions ensuring that at least some of the calls will be bad.

What seems to have American sports pundits in a tizzy is that everyone who likes the sport is ok with the fact that bad calls are made that will impact the outcome of the tournament. Even the members of the US team are unconcerned about what was obviously an arbitrary bad call. Don’t they care? Well, of course they do. But what these critics of the soccer system don’t seem to understand is that soccer players, despite all the professional fouls and faking of injuries to get a ref’s attention, are actually good sports. At the end of the day, they accept the ref as the final arbitrator of the game. Understanding that the ref is indeed human and can and will make mistakes and that those mistakes will sometimes go against you. That’s just part of the game. If you don’t like it play something else where people actually want to listen to you whine.

A big part of being a good sport is accepting the outcome of the game and not being a whiney baby when things don’t go your way. I’m not saying that football players are big fat babies; I’m just saying that soccer players approach their game in a more mature way. And besides, on field instant replays would spoil the flow of the game. Seriously.

To Empathize is to Civilize

2010-06-08T11:38:00.000-07:00

Thanks to a friend on facebook, I learned about this really cool video based on a talk by Jeremy Rifkin. It is really excellent and so I am sharing it here. In it, Jeremy Rifkin investigates the evolution of empathy and the profound ways it has shaped our development and our society. I particularly liked the idea that to empathize is to civilize and that to civilize is to empathize. That is a concept that resonates strongly with me as a Humanist and I agree with his assessment and ideas on where we need to go as a world community and why. The book this talk is based on is called the Empathic Civilization - which I've linked to on the left. Enjoy.

Happy 101 Sweet Friends

2010-05-29T07:23:00.000-07:00

I've decided to actually (gasp) participate in a blogging meme. Which means - I am going to participate in Happy 101 Sweet Friends. I am to list 10 things that make me happy and then tag 10 friends who make me happy. Since I am all about happiness, this one resonates with me. It is always a good idea to take a moment and think about the things that make us happy. It makes dealing with the little niggling annoying details soooo much easier. So here goes in no particular order.

1) My family. Obviously my son and my husband make me very happy. I picked an excellent man to marry and our son is really cool, funny, interesting and loving. Being with them makes me very happy.

2) Spandau Ballet. Ok I know that sort of dates me, but I have been listening to their new album in my car almost exclusively for a month now and it makes me happy. Spandau has always had that effect on me. Its pretty meditative in a way. Turns out they make my son happy too. He is 4. Sometimes he is upset that we have to leave somewhere fun, and then the Spandau music helps him feel happy and he really likes that. Trust me - if you are unhappy, get yourself some Spandau.

3) Camping. I love camping. I don't remember being that enamored with it when I was a child, but now it is one of my favorite things to do with my family. Of course, my enjoyment is due in large part to the wonderfulness of my husband. I do the packing and set up the bedding. My hubby handles cooking, cleaning and all other assorting duties, so I can just enjoy myself without stressing out. Plus, its economical. So double plus good.

4) A Beach. There is just something about a large body of salt water that relaxes me and makes me happy. (sigh). I have seen whales, dolphins and manatees just by sitting on a beach. I think what makes me happy about a beach is that it allows me to easily commune with nature. When I was ten I wrote a note to myself that my favorite things in the world were the ocean and music. Still are. Which brings me to:

5) Musical Theater. My all time favorites are: Oliver, 1776, Sweeney Todd, How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, She Loves Me, and Evita. I know all these shows by heart and can sing them on demand. There are lots of others I enjoy as well - like everything from G&S. My 4 year old is a fan of Oliver now. But my favorite for just pure feel good love is She Loves Me. If you ever get a chance to see this delightful show - do it. My first time was with my dad and we saw it on a whim and we left the theater positively giddy!

6) Singing. I like to sing.

7) Canal Boating. My first canal boat trip was in 2004 on the Union Canal in Scotland. Best Vacation Ever! I am totally hooked and now have a long list of canals I want to vacation on. We did the Erie Canal in 2008. And yes, our son loved that trip It's a great way to vacation. We are eventually hoping to do the Llangollen, Canal du Midi and others.

8) Thinking. Seriously, contemplating the universe is a very enjoyable pastime for me. I usually do my best thinking while hanging out on my porch listening to Hawaiian music.

9) Yoga. I really enjoy the practice of yoga. It feels good to get stronger and more balanced the more you practice. This is one of those things where the more you do it the more you like it.

10) Milkshakes.

OK - now for my favorite blogs:

A Little Bit Quirky - a blog from a good friend with a high functioning autistic daughter.
Letters from Abroad - Intelligent, Humanist, ex-mormon, mom living abroad with her family.
Humanist
Weddings in Scotland - The joys of Humanist weddings
Unscripted - The thoughts of an African American Humanist and mom
Wind from Nowhere - blasphemous and thought provoking artwork
The Swede Life - a Floridian midwife and mom now living in Sweden shares her thoughts
JoachimWorld - my friend and fellow Humanist Joachim De Posada's blog. He is an motivational speaker and author.
Shades of Emerald - a friend who runs a green business making organic pesticide free bags and totes.
The Sober Secularist - The musings of a former AA apologist. Promotes secular sobriety.
The Humanist Homeschool Mom - I really enjoy her musings.
Nabeel A. Khan: Humanist and Journalist - for a global perspective on issues I wouldn't normally think about.

Be Brave

2010-05-23T16:55:00.000-07:00

Fear can be immobilizing. But you should never let fear get in the way of doing what you know is right. Yes, it can be scary. But you have a moral obligation to act. We can all become immobilized by fear. And not just legitimate fears. We are also all plagued to greater or lesser extent with fear of the future, fear of rejection, and even fear that we might actually get what we want. My personal affirmation when faced with these sorts of fears is “I will not allow myself to be paralyzed with fear.” It has worked for me.

I bring this up because in the past week, it has become obvious to me that almost everyone is afraid of potentially violent Muslims. Now clearly, not all Muslims are violent, but there is definitely a section of that community that is and they have us all scared. Even I am afraid. There are writing projects I want to do but am afraid what would happen if I did. And this is what the recent Draw Muhammad Day was all about. Unfortunately, people were too afraid to participate in it.

Well here is our official affirmation. When it comes to violent Muslims, I think the world needs to collectively state – we aren’t going to be afraid of you anymore.

Serenity, Courage and Wisdom

2010-05-14T16:59:00.000-07:00

So, I am getting ready to give a talk tomorrow about the Humanist Approach to Happiness to a CFI group in Tampa. Should be fun. And one of the organizers posted this article on his facebook page. The article is all about how living in the moment will help us be happier. The author quotes heavily from the famous Humanist psychologist Albert Ellis. And no, I haven’t actually read any of his stuff and yes, that is kind of ironic considering I am a Humanist dispensing advice on how to lead a happier, more productive life through Humanism. I deal with common sense, ok?

Anyway –while I basically agree with the whole “living in the moment” idea in theory, in practice, it has limited application. The problem is that encouraging people to live in the moment is akin to telling people to just accept their lot in life, and Humanists simply don’t accept the status quo if the status quo involves suffering.

The Humanist philosophy is largely centered on the concept of human agency, the idea that we humans have the ability to make choices and change our fates as a result. So, if we are in an abusive relationship, we don’t have to just accept it, we can choose to leave that relationship and find something better. Telling someone in an abusive relationship that the best way to deal with it is to simply live in the moment and not think about the future is not just ludicrous it is downright cruel.

What is needed is balance and wisdom, which is why I think the Serenity Prayer is perhaps the simplest way to express the Humanist approach. Just take out the word "God" and consider this a personal affirmation.

God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; and Wisdom to know the difference.

God is Irrelevant?

2010-04-19T08:05:00.000-07:00

To a Humanist anyway, the question of whether there is or isn’t a god is irrelevant to our morality and how we approach life in general. Consider Wendy Kaminer, author and Humanist who said, “I don't spend much time thinking about whether God exists. I don't consider that a relevant question. It's unanswerable and irrelevant to my life, so I put it in the category of things I can't worry about.”

Adam Savage, Humanist and co-host of MythBusters in a recent talk to the Harvard Humanist said “If you want to believe, or find solace in believing, that someone or something set these particular dominoes in motion—a cosmic finger tipping the balance and then leaving everything else to chance—I can't say anything to that. I don't know.” He goes on to say “Though a primary mover is the most complex and thus (given Occam's razor) the least likely of all possible solutions to the particular problem of how we got here, I can't prove it true or false, and there's nothing to really discuss about it.” The rest of his talk is about personal responsibility from a Humanist perspective.

Even Dewey from Malcolm in the Middle thought the existence of God was irrelevant. He concludes, “I guess all we can do is live our lives with as much kindness and decency as possible. And try not to dwell too much about God standing over us with that giant shovel.” Ahhh, Humanism.

Do Not Do Evil

2010-04-12T08:06:00.000-07:00

Humanists can find moral learning everywhere. And yes, that does include the Bible. My attention was drawn to 2 Corinthians 13 today. Don’t ask why. Keep in mind that I am an atheist in addition to being a Humanist, so when I read things about prayer and god etc I tend to translate them or skip past those bits and look for the gist behind it all. I also haven’t actually read all of Corinthians so I don’t know the context of this section. But just having read the short section of 2 Corinthians 13 there are some really nice bits. Specifically verse 7: “But we pray to God that you may not do evil, not that we may appear to have passed the test but that you may do what is right, even though we may seem to have failed.” The point is to not do evil. Not so that we look good, but because not doing evil is the right thing to do. As a Humanist I can agree with that even though I don’t agree with most Christians about the nature of evil. I think Kurt Vonnegut once said that being a Humanist means doing good without expectation of reward or punishment after you die. Same basic sentiment when you think about it.

Verse 11 is also good. “Finally, brothers, rejoice. Mend your ways, encourage one another, agree with one another, live in peace, and the God of love and peace will be with you.” I like this not because it enjoins us to come together to pray – but it calls on us to come together to live in peace and to encourage one other to be good people. Again, this is something as a Humanist I totally agree with. That is my vision of how I would prefer the world work. And it is one of the reasons why I write this column and my podcast. I think we all need ongoing encouragement to lead ethical lives of personal fulfillment in service to the greater good of humanity.

Humanist moral lesson of the day: Do not do evil.

Our Shared Spirit of Humanity

2010-04-04T15:23:00.000-07:00

Whatever you think of Obama’s politics. There is no doubt that his most powerful speeches are infused with pure Humanism. That is probably why they are so darned powerful and stirring to hear. His Easter message was no exception. In fact, aside from just a couple of mentions of public policy, it was as pure a statement of Humanism as you are likely to get anywhere. Here are the highlights.

“Remember the shared spirit of humanity that inhabits us all. … Let us hold fast to those aspirations we hold in common as brothers and sisters, as members of the same family - the family of man. … All of us value our health and the health of our loved ones. Our health is the rock upon which our lives are built, for better and for worse. … All of us value education. … Ultimately, education is about something more, something greater. It is about the ability that lies within each of us to rise above any barrier, no matter how high; to pursue any dream, no matter how big. … All of us are striving to make a way in this world; to build a purposeful and fulfilling life in the fleeting time we have here. A dignified life. A healthy life. A life, true to its potential. And a life that serves others. … These are aspirations that stretch back through the ages.”

He then goes on to tell a story about an Easter service held at Iwo Jimo 60 years ago. He quotes the chaplain from that service as consecrating the memory “of American dead. … Together they practiced virtue, patriotism, love of country, love of you and of me.” The chaplain said, “The heritage they have left us, the vision of a new world, [was] made possible by the common bond that united them…their only hope that this unity will endure.” Obama finishes with the following statement, “Let us remain ever mindful of the unity of purpose, the common bond, the love of you and of me, for which they sacrificed all they had; and for which so many others have sacrificed so much. And let us make its pursuit - and fulfillment - our highest aspiration,”

A Humanist couldn’t have put it better. View the entire speech here: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2010/04/03/weekly-address-holiday-greetings

Emotional Control

2010-03-28T16:39:00.000-07:00

Being a Humanist is all about taking personal responsibility for your life and for your happiness. A big part of this is learning how to control your emotions. It isn’t that being emotional is a bad thing. It is just that not all emotions are good and it is usually prudent to think about what you really want to accomplish before deciding to act on any given emotion. This applies to both good and bad emotions but it is especially important for the negative ones..

The first thing you need to know when trying to get your emotions under control is that all emotions are temporary. They come and go like waves. So, even if you are angry or sad, you aren’t likely to stay that way for long. Paradoxically you don’t actually control your emotions by controlling them. You simply need to recognize their transience.

The next thing you need to know is that just because you are feeling something doesn’t mean you need to act on that feeling. Learn to relax and not take your negative emotions seriously and you will feel better immediately. When making plans based on how you are feeling it is usually best to be objective about what you really want to see happen and what the potential consequences of your actions will be. That way you will be making your decisions based on reason and that will improve your chances of having a positive outcome.

Just remember, while you can’t always control your emotions, you can control how you respond to them. Do not let your emotions control you. And yes, many Humanists do practice meditation as a way to help them control their emotions.

Educated Opinion

2010-03-24T06:56:00.001-07:00

In order to have an educated opinion, you must first be educated.

You are entitled to your opinion, whatever that may be, but unless your opinion is based on facts, it simply won’t carry the same weight as one that is. Again, you need to have the facts on your side and that means you need to know what those are and that means you must be educated. Otherwise, your opinion is useless to those with whom you share it.

Lesson of the day, if you want your opinions to be taken seriously, make sure your opinions are educated and reality based. And don’t ever parrot other people’s opinions without first checking to make sure they have their facts straight!

Nothing ever changes

2010-03-15T12:45:00.000-07:00

So… I ran into a girlfriend over the weekend that I haven’t seen in ages. It was nice, though a little awkward. She wants to friend me on facebook. I’m not sure I should do that because, well… as it turns out, she is one of the people I wrote about in my book and not in a flattering way. If she knew I wrote a book, she would want to read it and while I didn’t use any names she would definitely recognize herself and her situation. You see she has problems with basic life management issues. I was hoping when I saw her those issues would be resolved, given that I haven’t seen her in over 5 years. It turns out they aren’t and I was not all that surprised.

Now, why am I telling you this? Two reasons. The first is that if you find yourself attracted to someone who has basic life management issues such as not being able to secure housing, transport, food, or being able to get or hold a job in a normal economy (current conditions do not apply) don’t assume it is a temporary problem. Even poor people are able to find housing and food. So unless you want to end up taking care of a person who can’t be cared for, don’t date a person like this.

The second reason is that if this describes you: YOU NEED TO CHANGE! You can’t look to other people to solve your problems for you. You need to do that for yourself. It is your responsibility and no one else’s. If you are emotionally incapable of coping, seek help. You will be surprised how effective drugs are today. They can help take the edge off so you can focus without nasty numbing side effects. Remember, the Humanist approach to happiness is to take personal responsibility for your life and your happiness.

Learning about Evolution

2010-03-11T16:21:00.000-08:00

Learning about Evolution is important. Not only because it is important to be scientifically literate, but also because Evolution is a unifying concept in science. Scientific disciplines with a historical component, such as astronomy, geology, biology, and anthropology, cannot be taught without a clear understanding of Evolution. Further, nothing in biology makes sense without the context of Evolution and a clear understanding of Evolutionary biology is critical to our ability to fight diseases. As an added bonus viewing biology through the lens of Evolution is not only intellectually satisfying, it is downright inspiring.

If you want an update on exactly what the current state of science is on evolution, I recommend Your Inner Fish by Neil Shubin. A friend of mine who teaches high school biology recommended this book to me. It is an excellent book. It is easy to read and really interesting. If you were in school anytime before 2000, this book will help bring you up to date on not only the evidence for evolution, but also what science is capable of now.

If you are on the fence about Evolution or are confused about what Evolution is and why scientists are SOOOOO adamant it be taught, this book will help answer your questions. Your Inner Fish tells the story of how the author found a missing link fossil (fish to amphibian) two years ago. It ranges through a variety of disciplines explaining how each field is tied to the others. The evidence for Evolution is overwhelming. How anyone could deny the evidence after reading this book is beyond me.

Religious Tolerance 101

2010-03-06T14:10:00.000-08:00

So, today I responded to a youtube question about why Atheists ridicule people of faith. It is a good question, because let’s face it, everyone believes something different and some of us don’t believe any of it at all. And despite that we still all need to get along.

Religious tolerance isn’t easy. It means accepting people for the good people they are despite the fact they believe something that probably seems absolutely absurd to you. And then they need to reciprocate that acceptance of you despite your differences. It isn’t that hard to do, you just need to be respectful of the fact that very good moral people can believe very different things and that is ok as long as they are good moral people.

If you sincerely like someone you will respect their beliefs regardless of how ridiculous those beliefs seem to you. If you don’t you won’t. It is as simple as that. And I can say from experience, the ONLY times I get snarky about faith is when I am pushed to that point by someone who isn’t respecting my disbelief. If you are nice to me despite the fact I don’t believe as you do, I will be nice to you to. It really is that simple.

Spirituality? For Humanists?

2010-03-02T16:18:00.000-08:00

Deepak Chopra wrote an article this past week about how people need to be spiritual to help solve the problems of the world. It has caused a lot of discussion within the Humanist community. Mostly generating a WHAT! Response. And, “gosh – well isn’t that offensive.” For the record, it hurts our feelings when we are excluded like that.

Anyway, Chopra defines spirituality in a very Humanistic way. He defines spirituality as the experience our universality. Something we Humanists are always aware of and embrace and find inspiring. He then goes on to talk about how cultivating that feeling of unity through the experiences of universality and unity consciousness will help us want to work with each other to solve our problems. I couldn’t agree more. Sounds a lot like Humanism to me.

The problem is that he couches everything in religious language and makes this spirituality thing he is talking about all about religion. As if the non-religious can’t experience that. Boy is he wrong. I talked to some Humanists over the weekend about this and we pretty much all agreed. We experience the feeling of being intimately connected to the universe all the time. It is pretty near constant for us and yes – it does feel great. We just don’t call that experience spirituality. We’re not even sure what that word really means. But in trying to come up with an equivalent secular term to describe the Humanist experience of connectedness and at oneness with the universe, all we could come up with was the word. “Humanism.”

You don’t need some supernatural spirituality mumbo jumbo to help you feel connected to the universe and to your fellow humans. You just need to acknowledge that as humans we are intimately connected to the universe and to others. And yes, it feels great and yes, it does motivate you to help work with others to solve our problems because yes, we do have more in common then we normally realize. But is that spirituality? No. Just Humanism.

My podcast this week was on the subject of interconnectedness. Listen to it here

Situational-ly Speaking

2010-02-28T08:02:00.000-08:00

I love facebook. Have lots of cool conversations with friends and folks on there. One of my friends posed a question. Are there any rules you are willing to break? The very question assumes that ethics are situational. My response was that yeah – of course I break rules all the time. I just have a personal rule that I only break rules if there is a good reason and no harm will come from me breaking that rule. So, yes, I do my best to follow all the traffic laws.

Another person agreed with me but came up with this mini rule list because let’s face it – 10 commandments are just too many. For this individual you can sum up how to be a good person in 4 easy steps.

1) Harm None
2) Pursue Happiness
3) Be excellent to each other and....
4) Party on dude!

He then had to explain that while harm none seems really easy it does have gray areas that in practice need to be thought about. Like, if harming one saves the lives of thousands - is it then ok to harm one? Don’t you just love situational ethics? They force you think. But that isn’t a bad thing.

Unrestrained Exuberance

2010-02-21T18:49:00.000-08:00

Like everyone else, I have been watching the Winter Olympics. And like almost everyone, I was mesmerized watching Shaun White in the halfpipe. It wasn’t just that he was amazing. It wasn’t that he might do the double mctwist 1260, which was also amazing. But it wasn’t just his performance that we all liked. It was his exuberance. That young man is excited and happy and goofy. He doesn’t care. He is simply unrestrained in his exuberance. Granted, he kind of has a right to be, he did just win another gold medal doing something he clearly thinks is fun to do.

So what can the rest of us learn from Shaun’s unrestrained exuberance? Well, that it is not only ok to be exuberant, it is actually attractive. Other people like to see people so happy that they can’t contain themselves. So, don’t worry about looking like a dork. Who the heck cares anyway? Being so happy you can’t contain yourself doesn’t happen that often and when it does, why ruin it for yourself by worrying about what other people think. Take your cue from Shaun White. When the mood strikes you, be exuburant.

Pragmatism?

2010-02-15T17:27:00.000-08:00

I have been reading Greg Epstein’s new book. Apparently there are several different flavors of atheism. According to him I am a pragmatic atheist, which means that for me whether god(s) exists or not is irrelevant to living an ethical and successful life. I actually told an ethics class at a college that I thought the existence of god was irrelevant a few years back and almost every jaw in the room dropped. Apparently considering gods irrelevant is more shocking then not believing in gods at all. In my defense I was asked to present non-theistic ethics to them so the question of the existence of god was totally relevant to our discussion.

Regardless – I had no idea I was such a pragmatist. I’ve always considered myself an apathetic agnostic, atheist, ignostic apatheist. But what do I know. What is really important to me is not whether gods exist but rather once you have decided for yourself as an individual what you believe or don’t believe about gods, the next question is what is really important. Given what you believe, are you going to approach life with love or with fear and hate? And how does that affect your personal ethics? Your answer to this question, by the way, impacts me and everyone else on the planet. So yeah, color me pragmatic.

And that is why I am a Humanist. Humanism is a very pragmatic approach to living well and being a good person. That is why I titled my book – The Humanist Approach to Happiness: Practical Wisdom. It isn’t a philosophy book so much as a book about the pragmatic reasons for being an ethical, compassionate and responsible person. If you want to learn more you can buy an advanced copy here: http://www.cafepress.com/sumogirl.409202605 If this link is no longer good it means I found a publisher and you can find the new link on my website at http://www.sumogirl.com/

An Awesome and Splendid Responsibility

2010-02-09T09:57:00.001-08:00

Stephen Fry, British comedian and commentator, came out officially as a Humanist this week. His definition of Humanism is one I think is worth sharing.

According to Stephen, Humanism “is an acceptance of the awesome and splendid responsibility we each have for our own destinies, ethics and morals.” He further states that Humanism is about embracing “the shared glories of humanity's intellectual and spiritual struggle to understand the universe into which we are born with honesty, openness and faith in our own natures.”

Thank you Stephen for reminding us why we should all nail our colors to the mast as Humanists.

Turning hate into compassion

2010-01-25T07:48:00.000-08:00

Hate is a vice. It is a very nasty emotion that causes people to do horrible things. I met someone recently who considered hate to be a virtue and quoted biblical texts to me to support his claim. Look, I realize that in the moment, it may seem expedient to channel hate to fight evil. But that never works out well. Even if you are fighting a war against an evil dictator and your fight is just, hate will not help you win that fight. Soldiers across the world will tell you that the best fighters are those who keep their emotions out of their fighting and keep their head’s level. Musashi Miyamoto says exactly that in the Book of the Five Rings. And heck, Sgt York didn’t want to kill anyone and still managed capture; almost single handedly 132 German soldiers. Not because he hated them, but because he just wanted the killing to stop.

Now, modern soldiers will tell you that they are trained to disassociate their emotions from their fighting. This is because hot headedness makes you a danger to yourself and to others. Angry, hate filled people are unpredictable and easily manipulated and in the heat of battle are worse then useless. Long story short, there is no situation in which hate helps.

So, what to do if you find yourself getting angry and feeling that most awful of emotions hate. Well, practice turning that hate into compassion. And don’t think that means becoming complacent and not doing what you need to do to protect yourself and others without becoming that which you hate in the process. To learn more, read this excellent article by Thupten Phelgye on moving from Hatred to Compassion.