Watch Out for Each Other

 I was waiting for a subway train in Philadelphia a few weeks back.  To my right, was a man - leering at a woman who was standing to my left.  It was a proper leer and it lasted the entire time we waited for our train. 

I made a decision to intercept this man if he made a move toward the woman.  The woman moved to avoid this man's gaze.  He moved so he could continue looking at her. I moved to block his gaze. He moved again - always so he could see her. 

It is entirely possible that this man didn't have any nefarious intentions. He did not move towards her. He just was intently looking at her, and it was super clear - he was aroused by her. 

The problem is - none of us knew if he was just looking, or was planning to attack her in his mind. And neither did she. And neither did I. Or any of the other women who were aware this was happening on the platform - because - we all were aware of his intense sexual interest in this woman.

When men ask, what is the harm in looking. There isn't a harm in looking. There is harm in leering. 

You might think - whatever you are thinking is in your own mind and it's not hurting anyone. This man might not have been aware he was leering. But he was - for about 10 minutes. 

Every single woman on that platform - was on edge as a result of this man's leering. This wasn't a simple - look at a pretty woman. This was a guy who was clearly thinking more intensely about having sex with this woman. And - it was scary. Not just for her - but for everyone who started making plans on how to keep this woman safe from this man.

1) Don't be like this guy. We don't have problems with men glancing. Leering and obviously thinking about sex with a woman you don't know - is not ok. You are not entitled to invade her space and make her feel unsafe like that. Your body language - matters!!! 

2) If you see it happening, make sure you are between the woman and the guy doing this.

3) Be prepared to physically protect the woman and make it clear, you are protecting her so the guy knows. 

Basically - watch out for each other.