Sometimes you win by not fighting - parenting edition

Rain Dove - a trans activist on Instagram - recently had a conversation with a distraught parent about their teens - body issues. Rain Dove - handled this so well - the parent - who starts out - mad and accusatory - ends up thanking Rain for the help they gave.

First the link - then the discussion on why this is a beautiful example of how compassion can help you fix problems that would otherwise be arguments.

View this post on Instagram

Parents I promise that a professional binder is a safer option for your teen than alternatives they might be using. Getting them one as a gift can be life saving. A great brand and resource is @gc2b they even recently gave me a whole box to donate when in SA. Amazing conscientious and involved company. Binding ones chest can be a dangerous thing- especially when using alternative options like I used to do. Ace bandage and ducttape lead to skin tearing, fractured ribs and I even passed out once after taking off the binding from the oxygen rushing into my system again. I have models I’ve worked with who will testify times in which they saw my body distorted after inappropriate binding practices. People bind for many reasons. It’s not always identity or dysphoria related. Especially people with larger breasts have expressed binding has been lifesaving in functional terms. Binding CAN be lifesaving and ease much anxiety. I must note that it alone won’t make someone feel complete in their existence. We must work to dismantle toxic oppressions that lead to social oppressions and anxieties. We must create a space of love for all people to live in no matter their bodies. We must create a safe space for dialogue. #LoveWins #noteasybutworthit #nonbinary #memes #educatedonthate #binding #lgbtq #genderfluid #trans #lovewins #grsm NOTE: Sammys parent gave me permission to post this convo! Always important to make sure You have permission! The photo is not their real face.

A post shared by Rain Dove (@raindovemodel) on Dec 2, 2019 at 8:02am PST

https://www.instagram.com/p/B5k3aaZlOxB/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet

Basically - a child wants to bind their chest, the parent is scared about what this all means and blames the trans activist. The trans activist tells the parent how much it's clear that they care for their child and then gently leads them to understand that if they reject their child now, the child may self harm and as a loving parent - they should make sure their child has the support they need so they don't self harm.

The entire transcript of the conversation is beautiful because it recognizes a truth. Anger is often fear in disguise.

How much better would the world be if instead of responding to anger with anger - we responded with love and compassion instead.

https://humanistlearning.com/socratic-jujitsu/