Grief without God

This seems to be the topic of conversation this week. Anyway - Thinking Atheist did a great show on this yesterday. It is about 1 1/2 hours long, but the first woman really gets it right. Having lost a child myself, I completely understand where she is coming from. She's right, without a belief in god or an afterlife, you have no choice but to accept the reality of what has happened and this acceptance helps you cope more effectively with your loss.

At this point I am absolutely convinced that it is easier to grieve without a belief in god then it is to grieve with a belief in god.  And if you are interested in this subject I have an entire chapter dedicated to grief in my book. Anyway - because it is so moving and so important a topic - here is the youtube version of Thinking Atheist's radio show from yesterday. Now go grab some kleenex.

I am not a terrorist.

Saw a great movie last week that I think everyone should see. It is called My Name is Khan and it stars Shahrukh Khan as a man with Asperger’s whose step son is killed in a hate crime post 9-11. He and his wife take separate grief journeys. His is to tell the president that his name is Khan and that he is not a terrorist. His wife told him to do it and he took her literally.

Why I wanted to write about it is because it is a film about our common humanity and about love being more effective at creating positive social change then hate. It is a REALLY powerful movie. In his grief journey Khan is detained as a terrorist and tortured, becomes a poster boy for the discrimination against not only Islamic individuals in America, but for everyone who is treated as suspect because of how they look. He then goes on to save a rural black community in GA after a hurricane and mobilizes the entire country to act with compassion. And yes, he eventually does get to meet the president.

Admittedly, the story line isn’t all that realistic, but that doesn’t’ matter. Morality tales aren’t about how things actually are. They are about how things ought to be. This movie delivers that message with quite a bit of power and emotion by effectively contrasting how things are with how we wish things would be.

I left the movie with two thoughts. 1) Everyone should see this movie. And 2) I wish that it had actually happened. It would be wonderful if we as a nation had just such a wake up call that no - our neighbors aren’t terrorists just because the look different and worship differently then us. They are, for the most part, humans filled with compassion willing to risk their lives to save people different from themselves just because they care. I stand with Khan - I am not a terrorist. I’m a good human being and I care.

Arrogant Atheists

I realize this is a blog about Humanism, and Atheism isn’t part of my normal repertoire. But trust me, there is a point to all this. This post is actually written for people of faith trying to make sense of the apparent arrogance of “new” atheists, meaning people who have only recently come to their atheism as opposed to old hands like me. What you need to know is that most of them aren’t trying to be arrogant. What they are trying to be, believe it or not, is helpful.

I think we can all agree that the closer your understanding of how the universe works is to how it actually works the easier the time you will have navigating your way through it. What is happening with the “new” atheists is that they have recently experienced a dramatic change in how they think the universe works and this change in understanding has made their lives not just easier, but A LOT easier. And when you experience something that is not only that dramatic, but that is also incredibly effective at improving your life in general, well, it’s REALLY hard to keep that new knowledge to yourself.

One of the powerful new techniques that “new” Atheists learned on their journey was the discipline of Freethought. Humanists also practice Freethought and regardless of belief or unbelief, there is no reason you shouldn’t as well. I have an entire chapter dedicated to this topic in my book. Here’s part of the concluding paragraph of that chapter:

“A word of warning: once you begin to practice Freethought, you will wonder how you ever made reasonable decisions before. …This newfound knowledge of the tangible benefits of Freethought will probably make you less patient with those who do not practice the technique. Just remember, a little compassion goes a long way."

Conclusion: Most “new” atheists aren’t being arrogant; they are just being a bit inarticulate in their excitement. Be patient with them.

Live to Love Again

So I’ve been watching some old Bollywood films. The latest was Kabhi Kabhie. Basically, you have a college love affair but the parents marry the girl off to someone else. Hearts are broken. Our girl ends up loving her chosen husband and they are very happy. The boy, a poet, decides he will never love again, and so he doesn’t. He does get married and have a kid, but he refuses to love his wife because he was committed to never love again.

While this is a work of fiction, we all know people who have made similar decisions. Instead of allowing their grief to run it’s course so that they can get on with life, they decide to freeze their heart in place and stay stuck in that one emotion forever. I can’t imagine doing anything stupider, and I can imagine some stupid things.

Look, we all have a choice. Why someone would choose to stay in an emotionally very hurt place is beyond me. I guess some people just like to suffer. I don’t and I would assume most people don’t. If you are planning to go on living after a tragedy, you might as well be happy. So, allow your emotions to run their course and for goodness sake, don’t hold on to the negative ones - allow them to ebb away as you get on with living your life. In the movie - Amit eventually realizes his mistake and declares his love for his wife, but seriously - he wasted almost his entire life being unhappy for no good reason. Moral of the story: Live to love again.