Appreciation

Everyone knows that making a marriage work takes work. But what exactly does that mean. I was thinking about this the other day while watching a movie about a dysfunctional relationship. I personally am very happy in my marriage and feel like I have a great relationship. And I don’t really think of being married as work because honestly, nurturing my relationship with my husband is a joy. That is because the best way to nurture your spouse is to actively appreciate them.

So, what is my advice on how to make a marriage work? Well, first, don’t think of it as work. Thinking about all the reasons why you love your spouse shouldn’t be a chore. Get in the habit of appreciating your spouse every day. It will help you treat them better and it really isn’t that hard to do. In fact, you will probably find that it is fun to think about all of the reasons why you should appreciate. It feels good to do it.

The mistake I think people make is that over time, they forget to do this and they start taking their spouse for granted. Don’t take yours for granted. Appreciate them for the wonderful person they are (I assume they are wonderful or you wouldn’t have married them in the first place) and make sure to thank them for being in your life every day.

Humanists are Human Too

Clay Duke opens fire on the Bay County School Board

Apparently the Florida gunman who opened fire on the Bay County School Board in Florida claimed on his Facebook page that he was a Humanist. He was also diagnosed as being bi-polar and had spent time in prison on a stalking conviction. In other words, he was a human who, despite his best intentions, wasn’t thinking clearly. This much is obvious because people who are thinking clearly don’t take school boards hostage as a way to commit suicide.

I have no idea if he was a Humanist or not. My approach is that people are what they say they are. The important lesson is that being a Humanist doesn’t mean you are perfect. It only means you are striving to be a better person. A process made all the more difficult when coping with a mental illness as this guy was.

Humanists strive to use reason and logic to solve our problems and we try to keep our strong emotions under control when making our decisions. We try to but that doesn’t mean we will always succeed. We also strive to be compassionate with everyone we meet. And again, the fact that we try to be compassionate doesn’t mean we will always succeed. Being logical, rational and compassionate all the time is hard to do, even if you are sane.

The fact of the matter is that we Humanists are humans too. As my dad always said – no group corners the market on stupidity. We have the same struggles and challenges that everyone else has. But just because we won’t always succeed in keeping our basic instincts at bay doesn’t mean we shouldn’t at least try. We have to try. That’s the point of being a Humanist.

The phrase that keeps sticking in my mind is “there but for the grace of god go I.” I was lucky enough to be born without any mental illness. I am able to think clearly most of the time (except when I am super hungry and my blood sugars are low). The thought of lashing out in violence simply never occurs to me. For me, being a Humanist is easy. For others, through no fault of their own, it is obviously a bit more of a struggle. But I would argue that regardless of your starting point, this is a struggle worth waging. Even though you might not always succeed; when you do, the world is made a little bit better. And that is something worth striving for.

Imagine

Today is the 30th anniversary of the great sage John Lennon’s death. Yes, I remember where I was. Yes I still have the newspapers that announced his death. Yes, that does date me. Regardless. His philosophy of life moved people, which is why we are still mourning his death even after 30 yrs have passed. While I don’t think he labeled himself as a Humanist, it is clear that he pretty much was.

I have always considered the lyrics “Whatever gets you through the night, it’s all right. It’s all right.” to be a bit of a personal motto when it comes to reminding myself that it is ok that other people don’t believe the same things as I do. It is a message of not just tolerance, but of acceptance. That it really is alright is a powerful thing to remember.

Finally, as pretty much everyone knows, his song “Imagine” is the finest statement of Humanist beliefs ever put to music. John - you are missed but not forgotten.